That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: What the hell happened?
Steven Hyde: Eric made out with Laurie's friend.
Red Forman: Anything else?
Fez: Your son is a whore.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Eric: Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?
Kelso: A collector never stops collecting, Eric.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: I'm sorry. Look, I've been screwed by Darwinism... never needed to evolve listening skills 'cause my looks are so highly developed.
Donna Pinciotti: Um, that's not how evolution works.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, sure it is. Look, say I had to catch my own food, right? But I only ate really fast animals? My feet would

eventually evolve into rockets.
Steven Hyde: Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: What are you doing here?
Michael Kelso: The explanation is in the note.
Red Forman: [reading the note] Dear Red, we would like for you to give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents.
[Kitty laughs hysterically, and leaves the room]
Red

Forman: Well, you made her laugh, that's worth at least thirty bucks.
[Gives Kelso the money]

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Laurie... yeah, me and her really had something, huh?
Steven Hyde: Yeah, ointment took care of that though, right?

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Laurie Forman: You should watch your back.
Jackie Burkhardt: You should stop spending so much time on yours.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: The truth is out there, man, it's out there.
Fez: No more for you.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: Don't resist me, Mama. It's boogie time.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Eric's dream sequence during "A New Hope"]
Red as Obi: A Jedi's power lies within his own mi- are you even listening to me?
Eric as Luke: What? Yes. Um, you were saying, may the force be with me?
Red as Obi: No, I did not. Jedi knight. Jedi dumbass!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Donna Pinciotti: I like showing my butt. I like to show it and I like to shake it.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Donna reads Hyde's elementary school profile]
Donna Pinciotti: Steven is destined to be one of the smartest people...
Steven Hyde: Nice.
Donna Pinciotti: ?in his cellblock.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Kelso just found out about Eric being lame in the sack]
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, I told you about Eric so you could help him, not make fun of him.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, but it's hard to help someone and burn him at the same time.
[Jackie gives him a cold stare]
Michael Kelso: Oh, come on, Jackie, it's funny! I mean,

he must have been really bad!
Jackie Burkhardt: So were you.
Michael Kelso: [gaping in horror] OK, I don't think you know what you're saying because you called me your "Apollo Rocket of Love."
Jackie Burkhardt: But the way I said it was
[blandly]
Jackie Burkhardt: "Oh, Michael, you my regular

Apollo Rocket of Love."
Michael Kelso: OK, I'm not hearing a difference.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Guys, I was making out with Pam Macy in the orchestra pit. And... the worst thing that could happen to a guy happened.
Fez: Ohhhh. Mr. Cooper came in to wash the floors?
Michael Kelso: No.
Steven Hyde: Fez, I think what Kelso meant to say was... the rabbit wouldn't come out of his hat.

Eric: The weasel wouldn't pop out.
Michael Kelso: OK, ENOUGH.
Eric: Oh, wait. There's a lot of Amish people, but they never raised a barn.
Steven Hyde: That's a good one Forman.
Eric: I know, it just came to me.
Fez: Oh, I get it. The barn is Kelso's pants.

Michael Kelso: This can't be happening to me.
Fez: Oh, don't worry Kelso. I'm really sorry... SORRY YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Donna Pinciotti: Do you think Eric could cheat on me with Shelley?
Michael Kelso: Donna, Shelley's a tramp. No guy could ever turn down a tramp.
Donna Pinciotti: Oh, my god. Is that true?
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?
Laurie Forman:

No.
Steven Hyde: See?

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Eric: Donna can't be smarter than me because I'm the man, and that's just the way it is.
Kitty Forman: Well, I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders have your father killed? Hundreds.
Eric: But, Mom...

SPIDERS FREAK ME OUT.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: Poor Hyde. You are in love with Donna and she's with your good friend Eric.
Steven Hyde: So what?
Fez: So it's the saddest story in the world.
Steven Hyde: You know what? I had a chance, and I didn't take it.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: [shouts] Ooooh! Burn! That's a burn about a burn! That's a 2nd degree burn!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Fez, the foundation of a good relationship is three little words: I don't know. What're you doing? I don't know. What're you thinking about? I don't know. Who's that under you? I don't know.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: I wonder what's up with Jackie. She looks scared... like a deer in the headlights caught with its pants down.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: [on the phone] So Barbra Streisand became this huge star, right? But Kris Kristofferson could not take it anymore, so he drinks and drinks and crashes his car. Isn't that romantic?
Fez: [besides Kelso on the phone, Fez is on the phone, and he's telling Kelso what to say] Say, "Yes, it is."
Michael Kelso: [Fez puts

the phone by his ear] Yes it is.
Jackie Burkhardt: Oh, I just love romantic movies, don't you?
Fez: [to Kelso] "Yes, I do."
Michael Kelso: [phone by his ear] Yes, I do.
Jackie Burkhardt: You know what would be a good romantic scene in a movie? That night we had a reservoir when we went skinny-dipping.

Remember?
Fez: [to Kelso] "No, describe it to me."
Michael Kelso: [phone by ear] No, describe it to me.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, you're so bad. Okay, the water was really cold, so when I dove in, well you know.
Fez: No, I don't know.
Jackie Burkhardt: MICHAEL!