Kitty Forman: I have bad news. Midge left Bob.
Eric: Are you sure? I mean, she could just be lost in the backyard.
Red Forman: Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
Leo: [to Kitty in church] I love it here. You can sing as loud as you want. That dude wails away on the organ. That dude up there tells stories. It's almost a religious experience!
Kitty Forman: All families are embarrassing. If they aren't embarrassing they're dead.
Fez: Wow, my first X-rated movie. I don't know what's going on, but that is the luckiest pizza boy ever.
Kitty Forman: I really doubt that she's jsut abandoning Stephen, I mean, she's his mother.
Eric: Mom, her exact words were "I know I'm your mother but I'm abandoning you."
Red Forman: We're all gonna go to church and we're gonna have a damn nice Sunday.
[Red stole Bob's Christmas lights]
Kitty Forman: Oh, my god. I married the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch!
Kelso: You have the right to remain BURNED!
Kitty Forman: Sex, it's not dirty.
Red Forman: It's not clean either.
Michael Kelso: C'mon Eric, we never ask you for anything.
Eric: You guys ask me for everything.
Michael Kelso: So, what's one more thing?
Eric: [on the new water heater] This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one.
Red Forman: Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?
Eric: Because he had a smart mouth?
Red Forman: That's right.
Fez: Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying "sorry I missed you".
Eric: Kelso, I don't know if you should come over to dinner tonight.
Michael Kelso: Look, I know you think it's gonna be uncomfortable because I'm dating Laurie. But, look, Red loves Laurie, and Laurie loves me. Red has to like me. I mean, what kind of father doesn't love the guy who's nailing his daughter.
Steven Hyde: I knew hooking up with Jackie was a big mistake but I did it anyway. That's what she does, man. She makes you stupid. I bet Kelso was composing symphonies before he met her.
[about Bob's hair]
Red Forman: His head looks like a poodle's ass.
[repeated line]
Red Forman: That kid's on dope!
Eric: [imitating Red] I say we torture them with plenty of pointless rules and advice.
Michael Kelso: Hey guys, guess what I got?
Steven Hyde: VD?
Michael Kelso: No. A hundred bucks.
Eric: So money to treat your VD.
