That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Eric took blame for Donna's smoking in school]
Donna Pinciotti: So how'd your parents react?
Eric: Surprisingly, not so good. It turns out that Red has a temper.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: I got busted for possession.
Leo: Join the club.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, thanks.
Leo: No, I mean join the club, man. We meet every Thursday. We're trying to raise money for a field trip to Amsterdam.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Leo: Hey man, you missed your shift at the Photo Hut. You better have a damn good excuse.
Steven Hyde: I got busted.
Leo: Damn. That's a good excuse.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: [drawing a correlation with Kelso thinking he saw a UFO] Kelso, do you remember that time you thought you saw the abominable snowman?
Kelso: Yeah...
Steven Hyde: And what did it turn out to be?
Kelso: [not getting Hyde's point] Just a regular snowman...

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Donna Pinciotti: Mom, when you and dad got into an argument, did you ever... You know...
Midge Pinciotti: What?
Donna Pinciotti: Well, have you ever... Stopped having sex with dad in order to win an argument?
Midge Pinciotti: You can do that?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, but...

Midge Pinciotti: You mean that if I stop having sex with your father, he'll paint the bathroom?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, but aren't you worried about how it can hurt the relationship?
Midge Pinciotti: Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I'm getting my bathroom painted.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Leo just fired Fez from the PhotoHut]
Fez: But how am I supposed to pay for my shoes?
Leo: Just do what I do, man. Take money from the register when the boss isn't looking.
Steven Hyde: Leo... Once again... You are the boss.
Leo: And, I'm not looking.
[Hyde gives Fez the money]

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: Donna, are you OK?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah.
Jackie Burkhardt: How can you be OK? There's a college *woman* sleeping in Eric's bed.
Donna Pinciotti: Jackie, Eric's sleeping in the basement.
Jackie Burkhardt: Donna, stairs can't stop a high school horn dog. Barbed wire

can't stop a high school horn dog. A wall of fire can't stop a high school horn dog.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: [about Kelso's shirt being in Laurie's room] Say, how'd THAT get there?
Michael Kelso: [trying to cover his affair with Laurie] That's funny. No - This isn't even mine! Yeah, this must be ERIC'S shirt.
Jackie Burkhardt: Your mom sewed your name in it, Michael.
Michael Kelso: Man, Eric's going to

be pissed, huh? Yeah, 'cause I borrowed Eric's shirt 'cause mine wasn't working right. And then my mom must've sewed my name in it.
Jackie Burkhardt: Hum, I don't know, Michael...
Michael Kelso: Jackie, if I were lying I'd come up with a lot better lie than that.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, you'd think so.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: You know what your problem is? You're really cute, but nobody ever told you to shut your piehole.
Jackie Burkhardt: You think I'm cute?
Steven Hyde: SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[after finding out that Eric kissed another girl]
Donna: Why'd you do it?
Eric: Well, I have it on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[repeated line]
Red Forman: Dumbass!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Hello, sir. My name is Michael Kelso. I am about to do things of a sexual nature with your daughter. And although she does these things - with everybody - I now have a newfound respect for women, seeing as I have a daughter myself. Out of wedlock. Don't worry, I'm no longer with the mother. I just came by to seek out your blessing, so I may continue to pleasure your

daughter again and again. Thank you for your time.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: [Michael arrives at the door to pick up Laurie for a date] Hello, Mrs. Forman. I'm here to pick up your daughter for our date.
Steven Hyde: Man, you're dating Laurie?... That's not "going where no man has gone before"; that's going where *every* man has gone before.
Kitty Forman: Steven, it's not nice to be so...

truthful.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[the day after Eric dumped Donna]
Eric: Hey.
Donna Pinciotti: That's all you have to say to me? "Hey"?
Eric: Well, what do you want me to say?
Donna Pinciotti: I want you to say "Hey". Dillhole.
Eric: Oh, yeah? Well, DOUBLE DILLHOLE.
[Donna leaves]

Eric: [to himself] Double dillhole?...

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Donna Pinciotti: [after Eric reads Donna's journal when she leaves the room] Did you read my journal?
Eric: What journal?
Donna Pinciotti: You know, my "captain's log".
Eric: No, oh, no. I was just um, I was uh, going through your underwear drawer. Yeah, I know... that's why I look so guilty. Because I was

like you know, taking out your underwear, and rubbing it against my skin. I can't stay away from your underwear that's my curse. So, anyway... see you tomorrow.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Look, Jackie, I don't really know how to say this but... I don't want your stupid stuffed animals in my van.
[Jackie gasps and exits]
Michael Kelso: No, wait, Jackie! I didn't say *you're* stupid. Just all the stuff you like!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Eric: [Kelso, Jackie, Donna and Eric are in a drive in movie. Donna and Jackie screams and hides in the car, then Kelso gets Erics attention, then Eric shoves his face back, then Jackie grabs Kelso face] Donna, it's just a movie.
[Donna gets up. Then Kelso and Jackie starts kicking them in the head while making out]
Eric: Do you want to sit somewhere

else?
Donna Pinciotti: So bad.
[they try to get out of the car while Kelso and Jackie were still kicking them]

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: I miss Jackie, I can't eat, I can't sleep, well i can eat but...
[begins to cry]
Fez: [stares at kelso]
Steven Hyde: [stares at kelso]
Eric: [stares at kelso] Hey, what did we say, no crying in the circle
Michael Kelso: I can't help it.
Michael

Kelso: I need to tell her i didnt mean to cheat on her and that im sorry. I know, I'll write her a song
Michael Kelso: [begins to play ukelae, really badly while singing]
Steven Hyde: Hey I kno how you can start it.
[begins to sing]
Steven Hyde: You don't love me anymore, caught me cheatin' with a whore. See

cuz Laurie's the whore
Eric: My sister is such a whore
[begins to giggle]
Michael Kelso: [glares at hyde]

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: [Red and Eric are in the car almost late for work at Pricemart]
[to himself]
Red Forman: I love my job.
Eric: I love you too, Dad.
Red Forman: Oh, Eric, stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks, Dad!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Eric: You're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee.