John Oliver
John Oliver

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.

John Oliver
John Oliver

My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

John Oliver
John Oliver

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

John Oliver
John Oliver

My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.

John Oliver
John Oliver

If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

John Oliver
John Oliver

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

John Oliver
John Oliver

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

John Oliver
John Oliver

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

John Oliver
John Oliver

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.

John Oliver
John Oliver

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

John Oliver
John Oliver

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

John Oliver
John Oliver

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

John Oliver
John Oliver

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

John Oliver
John Oliver

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.