You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
I know God is real.
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Country music is about new love and it's about old love.
When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
