Stewie Griffin: Damn you! Damn the broccoli! Damn the Wright Brothers!
Peter Griffin: Lois, if this is your idea of a joke, you must write for Leno.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, oh you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, with fresh material, and he's charming.
Chris: I haven't been this confused since the ending of "No Way Out".
[Flashback to Chris & Brian coming out of a theater that's showing "No Way Out"]
Chris: How does Kevin Costner keep getting work?
Quagmire: [walks between two women] sorry, I didnt mean to come between you... or did I?
Chris Griffin: Oh, my God, the Government's here! Run E.T.!
E.T.: Ahhhh!
Meg Griffin: I want to be a vet when I grow up.
Peter Griffin: Meg, we have been over this before. You are going to gain 150 pounds and write Ugly Betty Fan Fiction.
Olivia: Do you even know what sex IS?
Stewie Griffin: Now really I- don't change the- is it a kind of cake?
Peter Griffin: [Dancing to Axel F] Neh-neh neh neh neh-neh neh neh. Neh-neh neh neh neh-neh neh. Neh neh neh neh-neh neh and then another neh-neh neh neh-neh.
Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.
Peter Griffin: [posing as Britney Spears] How about a kiss, Justin?
Justin Timberlake: Uh, sure, Britney.
[they kiss, and Peter transforms]
Justin Timberlake: Aaahh!
Peter Griffin: He, he, he, he! I'm Gene Shalit now.
Peter Griffin: Hi. I'm in the other room and I'm trying to get some sleep.
cheese guy: Look, a wagon wheel.
Peter Griffin: What the hell's your problem?
cheese guy: I just smoked a whole bunch of crack.
Stewie Griffin: What the hell is this?
Lois Griffin: It's your favourite honey, tuna salad.
Stewie Griffin: Oh,really, is that what it is? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.
George: [a parody of "The Jetsons": George and Roy are on the dog walking treadmill, a cat appears, Roy chases him] Help!
[he falls]
George: Jane!
[he falls again]
George: Stop this crazy thing!
[he falls again]
George: Ahh!
[falls]
George: Help!
[falls]
[Stewie builds a dish]
Stewie Griffin: [evil laughter] I've done it!
[lightning strikes him]
Stewie Griffin: Whoa! Oh, goddamn it!
Stewie Griffin: [talking to a very old prostitute] So is there any tread left on the tires or at this point would it be more like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
Quagmire: Peter, I can remember a dozen times when you've saved our lives
[Peter walks through a door holding a sword, like in Pulp Fiction, to his friends tied up and gagged]
Peter Griffin: Yeah, too bad I got there after the sodomy.
Chris Griffin: Hey dad, you didn't tell us how we got our house back.
Man on TV: Hey! Hey! Get that
[beep]
Man on TV: camera out of my face!
[smashes the glass of the camera]
