Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
Peter Griffin: [throwing his arms up in the air when Lois walks in the door]
[shouts]
Peter Griffin: I didn't have my hand down my pants!
Lois Griffin: Good for you.
Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
Chris Griffin: I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
Brian Griffin: Ouch!
[the eggs in Peter's beard have just hatched]
Peter Griffin: Aww, they look just like the kids.
[Pictures Chris's head on the first bird, Stewie's on the second, trys to remember third child, Meg, but can't, imagines Boba Fett's head on the last bird instead]
Peter Griffin: Sweeeeet.
Peter Griffin: Boo Lois, yeah beer!
Bob Ross: All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there I will come to your house and I will cut you.
[Chris and Meg are fighting over who should have the remote to the TV, and Chris steals Meg's hat and puts it in his pants]
Brian Griffin: Hey, aah... You two better settle down... Aah... Chris give Meg her hat...
Chris Griffin: I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
Brian Griffin: Ow!
[while eating a pancake]
Stewie Griffin: Oh. Mmm, yes. Oh, God, this is better than *sex*.
[looking at himself in a spoon]
Tom Tucker: I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.
[Brian and Peter are putting a crib together]
Brian Griffin: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B.
Peter Griffin: That's what...
Brian Griffin: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you.
Peter Griffin: Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 Gumbel' back on the air, I'm going on a hunger strike. Can you live with that? Huh, can you?"
[brief pause]
Peter Griffin: You gonna eat that stapler?
Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...
Peter Griffin: Wanna split it?
[the Millennium Bug has just hit, causing planes to fall from the sky, nuclear bombs to detonate, etc]
Peter Griffin: Holy crap... Did anyone else feel that?
Max Weinstein: Hello. My car broke down. Can I use your phone?
Peter Griffin: [singing] Now my troubles are all through/I have a Jew.
Max Weinstein: Hey!
Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
Peter Griffin: [as a swim coach] Great workout, Bobby!
Bobby: Up yours, sackbreath.
Peter Griffin: That's *Mister* Griffin.
