Peter Griffin: [Peter has taken a hose to the staircase and sprayed it with water] Hey, Brian, I made a waterslide with the stairs!
[goes down the stairs hitting bumps until he hurts himself, and starts crying like a little kid]
Brian Griffin: I'm not going to call the hospital because you wouldn't learn anything if I do.
Adam West: [after hearing Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"] I love this song! And I love it more when amateurs sing the lyrics! But I hate baseball cards.
[Peter calls in sick to work]
Peter Griffin: Mr Weed, I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow.
[Peter gets caught by his boss]
Peter Griffin: Remember that plane crash I had? It turned out to be gas.
Jasper: So! Do you like "Sex and the City"?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, it's an all right show.
Jasper: I wasn't talking about the show. Ooooh I'm nasty!
[makes a ship horn sound]
Jasper: Somebody ship me out to sea!
Crackle: Those freakin' elves, man. They just came out of the trees, they just came out of the trees!
Pop: You saved my ass back there, man.
Crackle: You saved mine.
Crackle: [as he lifts his beer in a toast] Here's to Snap!
Pop: [they clink glasses] To Snap!
Lois Griffin: Hey, everybody, wait till you see this.
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God. Moveable printed type. We must keep this from the serfs, lest they gain literacy and threaten the landed gentry.
Serf: What you got there, m'lord?
Peter Griffin: Nothing! Back to your turnips!
Peter Griffin: All right, I'll talk to him, Lois. But, uh, you know when my father wants something, it's like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but it's gonna happen.
Stewie Griffin: You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.
Police Scanner: We have a gang shooting on Third and Main, three wounded one dead.
Brian Griffin: Is it me or is rap music just getting lazier?
Brian Griffin: So, Stewie, how do you feel now that you are a girl?
Stewie Griffin: I feel right, Brian. I feel right.
Stewie Griffin: [shouts] Oh, my God, Jeremy's still in the trunk! How long has it been? Two weeks. Nope, he's dead.
Peter Griffin: Yeah which is more than we got from those free loaded Canadians.
[blank screen appears]
Peter Griffin: Canada sucks.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you've been wearing that giant cowboy hat for eight months now. Please for your family, take it off.
Peter Griffin: Hey! I can take this hat off anytime I want. I just don't want to.
[Everybody wants Peter to take the hat off]
Peter Griffin: Get away!
Brian Griffin: Oh, my god, that was hilarious!
Lois Griffin: What does that say into me? Oh, go
[beep]
Lois Griffin: yourself Diane.
[Brian spits]
Stewie Griffin: She said a swear!
