Flash Thompson: [about Mysterio] He's all right. He's no Spider-Man.
MJ: What is it with you and Spider-Man?
Flash Thompson: What? He's just awesome, okay? He protects the neighborhood and, you know, he's inspiring. He's inspires me to be a better man.
[Peter walks into the room]
Flash Thompson: What's
up, dickwad? I thought you drowned.
Peter Parker: MJ, I...
MJ: ...am Spider-Man?
Peter Parker: No. Of course not!
MJ: I mean it's... kind of obvious.
Happy Hogan: Heads-up. Nick Fury's calling you.
[Peter notices his phone ringing]
Peter Parker: I don't really wanna talk to Nick Fury.
Happy Hogan: Answer the phone.
Peter Parker: Why?
Happy Hogan: Because if you don't talk to him, I have to talk to him. I don't want to talk to
him.
[Peter declines Fury's call]
Happy Hogan: You sent Nick Fury to voicemail?
Peter Parker: I gotta go.
Happy Hogan: You do not ghost Nick Fury!
[mid-credit scene]
Pat Kiernan: We come to you now with revelations about last week's attack in London. An anonymous source provided this video, it shows Quentin Beck, aka, Mysterio, moments before his death. A warning: You may find this video disturbing.
Mysterio: I managed to send the Elemental back into the dimensional rift but I don't think I'm
gonna make it off this bridge alive. Spider-Man attacked me for some reason. He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology. He's saying he's the only one who's gonna be the new Iron Man, no one else.
[cut to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle]
E.D.I.T.H.: Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack? There'll be significant causalities.
Spider-Man: Do it. Execute them all.
Pat Kiernan: This shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news website 'thedailybugle.net.'
J. Jonah Jameson: There you have it folks: conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio! An interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect
our planet, and who will no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that's not all folks, here's the real blockbuster. Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.
Mysterio: Spider-Man's real... Spider-Man's real name is - Spider-Man's name is Peter Parker!
[cut back to a mortified Spider-Man in NYC]
Spider-Man:
What the fu - !
Happy Hogan: I gotta get you guys out of here! Get on the jet!
MJ: Who are you?
Happy Hogan: I work with Spider-Man!
Flash Thompson: You work for Spider-Man?
Happy Hogan: I work *with* Spider-Man, not *for* Spider-Man!
[jet is suddenly destroyed]
Happy
Hogan: New plan!
[deleted scene]
Police Officer: You're going to be the next Iron Man now?
Spider-Man: Well, no, I don't have time. I'm too busy doing your job.
Spider-Man: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Look, you're gonna have to do your job for a couple weeks, okay? Because *I* am going on vacation.
Nick Fury: And this is Mr. Beck.
Peter Parker: Mysterio?
Quentin Beck: What?
Peter Parker: Doesn't matter. It's what my friends have been calling you.
Quentin Beck: Well, you can call me Quentin. You handled yourself well out there today. I saw that you did with the tower. We could use
someone like you on my world.
Peter Parker: Thanks. I'm sorry. Your world?
Nick Fury: Mr. Beck is from Earth. Just not yours.
Quentin Beck: There are multiple realities. This is Earth Dimension 616. I'm from Earth 833.
Peter Parker: I'm sorry, you're saying there's a multiverse? 'Cause I thought that
was theoretical. That changes how we understand the initial singularity. We're talking about an eternal inflation system. How does that even work with the quantum...? It's insane.
Mysterio: It's easy to fool people when they're already fooling themselves.
Peter Parker: What's your password?
Happy Hogan: Password.
Peter Parker: No, what is your password?
Happy Hogan: Password. The word spelled out.
Peter Parker: You're head of security and your password is "password"?
Happy Hogan: I don't feel good about it either.