750 That '70s Show Quotes (2026) #8

That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: That's the price you pay for docking your Love Boat in Jackie Vallarta.

That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: Oh, my god. You all hate Laurie?
[the gang nods]
Jackie Burkhardt: I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me.
Steven Hyde: ...We all hate Laurie, all right.

That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: If you really do love her, there's only one thing to do, man. You gotta dump her and live free.

That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be.

#Look

That '70s Show

[on buying an economy car during the oil crisis]
Red Forman: The last time I was that close to a Japanese machine, it was shooting at me.

That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: I'm not shallow. I just judge women on their looks.

That '70s Show

Eric: You know, Hyde, at first I thought your father was a real dirtbag. But I've come to realize that there's a fine line between dirt bag and Father Of The Year.

That '70s Show

Eric: Hey Hyde, this is a cool place for a party. It's already trashed.

That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: If this van's a-rockin'... we're in there doing it.

That '70s Show

[while being questioned by Canadian police]
Michael Kelso: If you call ham "Canadian bacon", what do you call bacon?

That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Girls must really like astronauts, 'cause it says here they get all the tang they want.

That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Look, she's beautiful, she believes in me, and if I can get her to put out, it's 3 out of 3. Right now, it's 2 out of 3, and I'm sorry but 50% ain't gonna cut it.

That '70s Show

[seeing a square dance]
Red Forman: It looks like 'Hee Haw' puked in here.

That '70s Show

Kitty Forman: You kids change partners more than square dancers.

That '70s Show

Red: Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger.
Laurie Forman: Vandals you say? Hmm, where were you last night, Eric?
Kitty Forman: Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric you look pale. Let me see your eyes.
[Eric just looks down]
Kitty Forman: Look at me.

[Eric looks at Kitty, imagining her she was naked after seeing his parents having sex]
Kitty Forman: Do you have fever?
Red: [Eric looks at Red, and he's imagining him naked, too] I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good.
Kitty Forman: [the camera turns

around back to Kitty. Kitty is still naked and she wipes something off her chest] Eric, is something bothering you?
Eric: [looking at Kitty and Red a couple more times] God, make it stop!
[leaves the table]

That '70s Show

Red Forman: Threats aren't going to work, Kitty.
Kitty Forman: Every newspaper you'll be reading, every nap you'll be taking, every football game you'll be watching, I'll be there, talking, talking, talking, talking.

That '70s Show

[about Eric's parents]
Donna Pinciotti: I can't believe they're pregnant.
Eric: I can't believe they're still doing it.

That '70s Show

Eric: Yeah, I mean, when the empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call them up?
The others: Ahh, nooo...
Eric: No. He hopped on the Millenium Falcon, and he paid a little visit to the Death Star.

That '70s Show

Kelso: Whatever. You know, none of this is as bad as Hyde not telling me. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make him tell me.
Donna: How are you gonna do that?
Michael Kelso: By outwitting him conversationally. What a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.
Eric: So what are you gonna say?

Michael Kelso: Oh, it'll come to me in the moment.
Donna: Don't you think you should plan it out a little?
Michael Kelso: Does an astronaut plan out his missions?
Fez: What happens in cat and mouse if the cat is retarded?
Michael Kelso: Oh, you just wait and see.