I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.
Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?
I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing.
Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.
We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
