I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
If elected, I will win.
You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.
Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass.
The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.
Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.
I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.'
The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.
I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?
I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.
