Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

[haggling with Tom]
Nick the Greek: What else does it come with?
Tom: It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barry the Baptist: Lock, stock, the fuckin' lot.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

JD: I do know your reputation. So I choose my words very carefully. You tell Harry to go fuck himself.
Big Chris: Now... I'll put that down to shock. Only once.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddie: Tom, you take those guns and you throw them off a bridge.
Bacon: And throw yourself off while you're at it.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddie: I don't know. What I do know is there's no more Harry. Which means there's no more debt. And if there's no more debt, there's no more problem. And there's no problem with the neighbors... because they're all dead. And I think, if I get this right, we haven't done anything wrong... we're in the clear.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Dog: So we've got a bit of a problem, ain't we? In fact, this is a bit more than a bit of a problem. I'd say it's the Mount fucking Everest of problems! And the reason it's such a fucking monstrosity of a problem is, *you haven't got the first idea who did this to us, have ya*?
Plank: We've been up all night. It's no one from round here. We've had 'em all

lined up against the wall. If it was a toerag from the manor, we'd know.
Dog: [screaming] You'd know? You'd fucking know? You wouldn't know if it was the next door *fucking* neighbours! Get out there and find them! I'm sick of the fucking sight of ya!
[Kicks Plank's head through a wall, revealing a set of listening equipment]

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Rory Breaker: Now watch out for these fellas. They've got a bit of an arsenal, and they don't mind using it.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barry the Baptist: If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Rory Breaker: Is that so, mister botanical?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Soap: Where the fuck are they going?... Shift a piano? I thought this was meant to be a robbery.
Eddie: Where did they get those outfits?
Tom, Bacon: Not a bad idea, that.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Dean: He's got the guns. Go ahead. You get them.
Gary: Why me?
Dean: You're supposed to be the hard case.
Gary: [shrieks] You get the guns. I drive the car!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Gary: So who's the gov'? Who we doing this for?
Barry the Baptist: You're doing it for me, that's all you need to know. You know because you need to know.
Gary: I see. One of them "on a need to know basis" things is it. Like one of them James Bond films.
Barry the Baptist: Careful. Remember who's giving you

this job.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Gary: I've just spent 120 quid on me hair. If you think I'm puttin a stockin over me head you're very much mistaken.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Big Chris: [after rear-ending Eddie outside of Harry's] You alright, mate?
[Spots the bag of money he just gave to Harry in Eddie's lap]
Big Chris: Cheeky bastard!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"Hatchet" Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Soap: You want a sandwich, Bacon?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barfly Jack: He then proceeds to order an Aristotle of the most ping-pong tiddly in the Nuclear sub.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddie: As you know this puts us in an awkward position... I don't have enough to continue.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Rory Breaker: You think this is a coincidence? This white shite steals my things and thinks that he can sell it back to me? He's got less brains than you, Lenny!