104 Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes (2026) #5

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"Hatchet" Harry: How did you get your hands on these, then?
Big Chris: The boys had 'em. I know you like these sort of things, wondered if you wanted 'em.
"Hatchet" Harry: Yeah, I'll have 'em.
Barry the Baptist: Was it hard work getting the money?
Big Chris: Not especially. Upset a few

characters, though.
"Hatchet" Harry: Have you counted it?
Big Chris: Yeah, it's all there to the pound.
"Hatchet" Harry: And they were gonna pay?
Big Chris: Looks like it. But who knows? The opportunity was there. In my experience, it's best to take that opportunity. If it's there.

"Hatchet" Harry: Good work, Chris.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barry the Baptist: [Barry's video monitor is cutting out] Come on! Not now, please, not...
[monitor goes black]
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you fucking bastard.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddie: That's quite a raise. That's 150 on my 100.
"Hatchet" Harry: Yeah. And is there anything else you want to say?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"Hatchet" Harry: Don't go spending it all at once, boy.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

"Hatchet" Harry: Back to you, already-Eddie.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

[about to kill Willie with a machete]
Mickey: It's time to say goodnight, nurse!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Soap: Tom, what have you been eatin'?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Tom: This is fucked. No money. No weed. Its all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
[Having noticed the corpses of both Rory's gang and the neighbors]

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Barry the Baptist: [answering his phone] What?
Dean: I thought you said there'd be no staff Barry!
Barry the Baptist: Did you get those guns?
Dean: You wanna see what they did to poor Gary?
[calling out to a delirious Gary]
Dean: Gary? Gary?
Barry the

Baptist: I said, did you get those guns?
Dean: YES, WE GOT THEM!
Barry the Baptist: Good, I'll speak to you later
[hangs up the phone]
Dean: Gary, if you can hear me, get back in the car now mate okay?
[turning his attention back to Barry]
Dean: Barry? Barry? Fucking sodding

shandy-drinking bastard!

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Mickey: How'd you think I'm doing? He's fucking nearly chopped my arm off.
[after being attacked by Willie with a machete]

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Dean: We're in shit. They were his fucking guns we sold.
[Realising the guns he sold belonged to Harry]

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Don: Apparently it's for security.
[Explaining the boxing arena]

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddie: The Traffic Warden identified the neighbours' bodies. Which sort of puts us in the clear. The only thing connecting us with the case is those shotguns.
Bacon: And Tom took care of them.
Soap: You did take care of the shotguns?
Tom: I wanted to talk to you about that?
Bacon: Well,

talk.
Tom: Well, actually no. I've got them sitting in the car. I was gonna sell them back to Nick the Greek, but I'm having a bit of trouble getting hold of him.
Bacon: You dippy bastard.
Eddie: So... the only thing connecting us with the case, is in the back of your car which is parked outside?
Tom:

They cost us 700 quid. I'm not gonna throw them away. And they're hardly likely to trace 'em back to us, are they?
Soap: Do you really think it's worth taking the risk for £700?
Eddie: Tom, you're a dick. Now you take those guns and you throw them off a bridge.
Bacon: And throw yourself off while you're at it.

Soap: Now.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Paul: Gordon Bennett. What the fuck's been going on here?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Dog: Where the fuck did she come from?
[Punches Gloria]
Dog: That is it. Tie her up. We're outta here.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Nick the Greek: Is that you, Dean?
Dean: No, it's Lord fucking Lucan. Who do you think it is?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lenny: Hang on a minute, Nathan. Something stinks.
Nathan: Yeah, your fucking aftershave.
Lenny: Fuck you, funny man.
J: For God's sake, help me. I'm in pain. I'm in so much pain!
Lenny: Go in slowly, Nathan.
Nathan: Fuck you, funny man. You go first.

Lenny: Just get the fuck in there, will you?

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

John: So they had the cash.
Paul: And the puff.
Dog: Cheeky bastards. Count it.
John: Shit, Dog. There's a lot. Don't you wanna do it next door?
Dog: We're not going next door until we flay them dead men walking.