Harmony: [naked in bed] You can sleep here if you want but it would only be sleeping, Harry... if thats gonna frustrate you.
Harry: [pause] Let's see.
Harry: Oh Wow. Woo. It's tiny. Is this real?
Perry: Yeah, it's a Derringer. It's loaded. I call it my faggot gun.
Harry: Because...
Perry: Because its only good for a couple shots, then you gotta drop it for something better. You asked, Chief.
Perry: I want you to picture a bullet in your head. Can you do that for me?
Harry: [narrating] Anyway, by now you may wonder how I wound up here. Or, maybe not. Maybe you wonder how silly putty picks shit up from comic books. The point is, I don't see another Goddamn narrator, so pipe down.
Harry: Is she a looker?
Perry: She opens the door, and she got nothing on but the radio. Yeah, invites me to sit down, sits on my lap, fires up a spliff.
Harry: Geez. Really?
Perry: No. Idiot.
Harry: [voiceover] I sent Harmony home believing A, we'd meet tomorrow to go over her case, and B, I'm not actually gay. Please do not ask me how I did B.
Perry: Harmony was right, her sister was murdered. You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.
Perry: [Calling Harmony after escaping torture with Harry] Hey, Harmony, it's me.
Harmony: Oh, God, how did you get away?
Perry: I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.
Perry: Okay, you've got 30 of my fucking seconds. Thrill me.
Harry: [after overpowering and pistol-whipping a guy who'd had a gun on him and Perry] Doesn't that suck? I just hit you for no reason. I don't even know why.
Harry: [narrating] I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dreamgirls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a *fucking conniption*. And you? How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse.
Harlan Dexter: Captain fucking Magic!
Perry: Don't blame yourself. Listen. sometimes these things just happen.
Harry: For a reason. For a reason? Why? Because I fall off a building, 10 people in Baltimore survive a bus crash? Swell, they're enjoying Baltimore. I'm lying here with my brains out.
Perry: I've been to Baltimore. You win.
Harry: Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's.
