Harmony: God, Harry. Shit, if I leave you the keys, can you take yourself to the hospital?
Harry: [voiceover] I was wetter than Drew Barrymore at a grunge club.
B-Movie Actress: So what do you do for a living?
Harry: Uh, I'm retired. I invented dice when I was a kid. How about you do?
Perry: Rule number one: this business, real life, it's boring. Do you have to smoke?
Harry: You want me to put it out?
Perry: Yeah, soon as you find a large, brown clump of shrubs, just throw it in there.
Harry: So the whole... reconcilement... thing?
Perry: Reconciliation, idiot.
Harry: Your mouth is a recommended place to put a sock.
Perry: I'd understand if you wanted to take a swing at me...
Perry: [Harry lands a quick punch to Perry's chin] You fuck!
Harry: By the way, this thing?
[Imitates Perry's nose-touching gesture]
Harry: Single gayest thing you've ever done.
Bear on TV Ad: I'm for Genaro's, but then, what do I know? I'm a bear. I suck the heads off of fish.
Perry: How about you, Harry, did your father love you?
Harry: Ah, sometimes, you know - like when I dressed up like a bottle. How about yours?
Perry: Well, he used to beat me in Morse code, so it's possible, but he never actually said the words.
[shortly after Mr. Frying Pan makes an obscure "Ike, Mike, and Mustard" reference]
Mr. Frying Pan: You wanna know who we are? I'm the frying pan, see? And my boy over here, he's...
Mr. Fire: Mustard. I'm Mustard, baby.
Mr. Frying Pan: He's the fire. Fuck you, Mr. Mustard.
Harry: This is every shade of wrong.
Harry: Watch your hand.
[Harry slams the door in Harmony's face]
Harry: Hey, hey, hey! It's Christmas, where's my present, Slick?
Perry: Your fucking present is you're not in jail, fag-hag.
Harmony Age 7: Harold, use your awesome might to save me from this hopeless plight.
Perry: You, stop multiplying.
Harmony: Oh, God. No more lies, Harry, no more. Are you a detective? Huh? Are you a detective, Harry?
Harry: Who told you that?
Harmony: Flicka, Flicka. You know? My friend Flicka, she told me. If you are, then I really need your help.
Harry: Well...
Perry: Rule number 1...
Harry: Yeah.
Perry: This business. Real life, boring.
Perry: [on the phone] What do you mean they gave her back?
