backhands Quotes

[at the CIA, O'Donnell is on the phone at with Mendez in Iran]
Jack O'Donnell: It all just changed. They called the game. You've got to come back. Joint Chiefs are planning a military rescue of the hostages in a month. Delta Force started training to storm the grounds. So if the six of them get brought down there, they won't be held for long.
Tony

Mendez: I never would have exposed them if I wasn't authorized to take them out.
Jack O'Donnell: It's over, Tony.
Tony Mendez: They will be taken. Probably not alive.
Jack O'Donnell: Listen to me. The thinking's changed. Six Americans get pulled out of a Canadian diplomat's house and executed, it's a world outrage.

Six Americans get caught playing movie make-believe with the CIA at the airport and executed, it's a national embarrassment. They're calling the operation.
Tony Mendez: We're responsible for those people.
Jack O'Donnell: What we are is required to follow orders. I'm sorry.
[Mendez hangs up. O'Donnell sits listening to the dial tone for a

moment, then puts the phone on the receiver. Then, very suddenly, he looks at an old coffee cup near him and backhands it off his desk]

[the Circus Gang approaches the podium]
Organ Grinder: We want the big guy! The guy who runs the show!
The Mayor: [stepping forward] What do you want?
Organ Grinder: Not you!
[the Clown backhands the Mayor]
Organ Grinder: Shreck!
Charles 'Chip' Shreck: [stepping forward]

You'll have to go through me!
[a dozen guns, knives, and swords are pointed into his face]
Circus Gang: Ooooh!

Rachel Jansen: I thought I told you to stay on your island!
Ray: The deal was off April 9th.
Rachel Jansen: Well the deal's back on!
Ray: You think you're the chief of this island! I'm the chief of this island!
Peter Bretter: I know his friend, let me handle it
Rachel Jansen: Fine.

Peter Bretter: Hey man you remember me?
Helpful Hawaiian Waiter: The cocktail guy
[He punches Peter]
Kemo: Ray what are you doing here?
[Ray backhands him, Kemo backhands him back]

Harmony's Dad: Do I know you?
Perry: No. Just in town for the funeral.
Harmony's Dad: What do you want?
Perry: Well, I was going to go to the zoo, but it was closed, so I thought I'd come here and look at an animal.
Harmony's Dad: Son of a... Who do you think you're talking to? I buried

my daughter today!
Perry: No. You buried her twenty years ago. Harmony was right, her sister was murdered. You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.
Harmony's Dad: Who are you? I loved my girl.
[Perry backhands him]
Harmony's Dad: You fucker! If I could get out of this bed...

Perry: Yeah? Well, you can't.
[Perry backhands him again]
Harmony's Dad: You bastard! Old man that can't defend himself. Big tough guy.
Perry: Yeah, that's right. Big tough guy.

[Max and 99 are six miles outside of Smolensk, walking along a dirt road]
Maxwell Smart: Okay, not to keep dwelling on this, but that was some kiss. How did you know that would work? Have you kissed other men who then plummeted to their deaths?
Agent 99: Okay, okay! You know what, so far our entire "partnership" has consisted of me getting you out of

trouble! Do you know why? It is because you keep leading!
Maxwell Smart: Well...
Agent 99: So here's how we stop that: I lead now! I'm the one with field experience, and you know nothing!
Maxwell Smart: I beg to differ!
[99 starts walking away]
Maxwell Smart: I looked up your field agent exam,

and I scored...
Agent 99: My *what*?
Maxwell Smart: Your field agent exam! I scored eight points higher than you did! That is the difference between an A+ and an A-!
Agent 99: [at the same time] This is not a classroom! This is real! You are really going to get yourself killed if you don't listen to me!
Maxwell

Smart: ...A-!
[beat; 99 glares at Max]
Agent 99: Okay. Okay, you're faced with an assassin. What do you do?
Maxwell Smart: I take out my gun...
[pulls his gun out of its holster]
Maxwell Smart: ... and I would shoot-
[as Max raises his weapon in front of him, 99 snatches it from him and points it

at his head]
Agent 99: You don't have a gun.
Maxwell Smart: I did until you took it!
Agent 99: "Bang", you're dead!
Maxwell Smart: No, I'm not.
[99 points the gun at Max's heart]
Agent 99: "Bang", you're dead!
Maxwell Smart: Stop shooting me.

Agent 99: You are dead!
[points the gun at spots all over Max's upper body]
Agent 99: Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
Maxwell Smart: I don't like it when you shoot me! Stop it. Stop shooting me! You've already said I was-
[99 sticks Max's gun back into his pants]
Maxwell Smart: Hey.

Agent 99: [quietly] Throw out your manual. I hear there are no grades. There's only "dead" and "not dead".
Maxwell Smart: You know, I am not completely incompetent without a gun. I am a master in the art of ­Choi Kwang-Do.
[gets into a warm-up stance, at which point 99 backhands him across the face]
Maxwell Smart: I was

not ready!
Agent 99: That's my point.
Maxwell Smart: You know what-
[99 slaps him again]
Maxwell Smart: Hey! What was that?