A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.
We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
Life is a dead-end street.
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.
Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before.
What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.
I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.
