It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.
To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.
It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously.
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.
Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.
Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.
Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates.
