When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
Children make your life important.
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
