Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.
We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they're all reading books - well, hopefully most people are doing those things.
We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we'd go and flush it.
From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.
There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
My mum was obsessed with dress... so, in my house, there was always the obsession about aesthetics. She was obsessed with the idea that a beautiful movie is the one where you're so involved you won't go to the toilet during it, or you'll fall asleep with your make-up on after.
Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.
You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.
I'm a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It's true: I have a master's degree in creative writing, I've published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.
