I used to sing at funeral homes for families that didn't have a vocalist. I didn't get paid. I needed to sing.
There are so many cruel decisions parents have to make when their child dies. The funeral director requested a sheet for the coffin, and I sent the cozy flannel one, pale blue with happy snowmen, that had just been put away with the winter linens.
I did become quite well known from 'Four Weddings and a Funeral', and it helped hugely. I wasn't as famous as Hugh Grant, but I certainly began to work.
I remember from my father's funeral that the minister kept using a metaphor about life of a prism. And I took that away like a cherished image.
Dad was wiped from our lives. The day after he died, every photo of him disappeared from the house. It was as if he'd never existed. Me and my brothers weren't even allowed to go to his funeral. His death was made absolute.
If my fans want to do something for me when that time comes, I say, don't waste your money on me. Help the homeless. Help the needy... people who don't have no food... Instead of some big funeral, where they come from here and there and all over. Save it.
I tell my children now that they are older, 'If something happens to me... don't make no big fuss over me. Don't make no big expense on my funeral. Don't put any pressure on the rest of the family. I've loved everybody, and I hope they loved me. But don't create this big expense for the family.'
I had a sort of classic moment when a friend of mine rang up and said she'd just been to a funeral, and in the middle of the eulogy, this kid had taken out the phone and had a whole proper text conversation - while everyone was weeping!
When it's the funeral scene of 'My Girl,' and Thomas is in the casket, and the young lady is screaming that he can't see without his glasses, you can absolutely, absolutely cry. Perfectly big, crazy tears all over your shirt, into the arms of others.
I have asked to have no funeral, and no memorial service. I hate other people's and would certainly not appreciate my own.
