Step Brothers Quotes

Dale Doback: Hey. Are you awake?
Brennan Huff: Yeah.
Dale Doback: I can't believe we actually have to move out of this house.
Brennan Huff: I know. I feel bad.
Dale Doback: Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren't here.
Brennan Huff:

Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though? It helps me pretend that they are.
Dale Doback: You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.
Brennan Huff: Yeah.
Dale Doback: But I can't imagine how you feel after my dad looked right at you and said it's all your fault that they broke up.
Brennan

Huff: That's funny, because my mom said: "If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here everything would be perfect."
Dale Doback: You take that back.
Brennan Huff: No way. It's your fault.
Dale Doback: You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land. You refuse to get a joband you don't know what it's like to

work for something.
Brennan Huff: You don't take responsibility for your actions. This is all your fault!
Dale Doback: Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public!
Dale Doback: [Brennan leaves the bedroom angrily] Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy, because you know it's true. Just avoid everything.

What are you doing?
[Brennen is heard in the next room banging on the drums and chanting]
Brennan Huff: Dale broke up Mom and Dad
Dale Doback: Motherfucker!
[Dale rushes into his office]
Brennan Huff: Dale broke up Mom and Dad Dale broke up Mom and Dad
[Dale picks up a cymbal and hits Brennan over the head

with it. Brennan falls]
Dale Doback: Brennan! Get up, Brennan, I know you're faking. Get up! Get up! Brennan?

Derek: [Derek suddenly climbs up Brennan's treehouse with a beer] What's up, faggots?
[to Brennan]
Derek: What's up man? What? You're not gonna come down and say hi to me? What's with that, dipshit? Huh?
Brennan Huff: [faintly] Hi, Derek.
Derek: Whoa, calm down, man. I'm just joking. You guys, I really

like your guys' setup up here...
Dale Doback: What is your problem, man?
Derek: My problem? I don't know! I don't have a problem, Dale. Actually, I have the opposite of a problem: I made over 550 K last year!
[smirks]
Derek: How much did you make?
Dale Doback: [shrugs] It's not about money...

Derek: No, it's not about money. Well, for me, it's a little bit about money...
[pause]
Derek: And I made that much money last year. I am the VP of the biggest executive-helicopter-leasing company on the Western Seaboard. Okay? I haven't had a carb since 2004. Check these out!
[Derek lifts up his shirt and shows Dale and Brennan his chest

abs]
Derek: See these? See these boys? This is what I live with! Every day I lather this up with Kiehl's in the shower. You wanna touch this shit? You wanna touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen!

Dr. Robert Doback: [they start getting hot and heavy] My name is Robert, and I play racquetball. I collect coins.
[breathes heavily]
Dr. Robert Doback: Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food!
Nancy Huff: [breathing heavily] I am Nancy Huff; I know how to make Tandoori Chicken.
[continues undressing]
Nancy

Huff: I contribute to NPR every single year...
[pause]
Nancy Huff: ... and I love the movies of Rob Reiner! Pilates changed my life!
[they continue making out while stripping off their clothes]
Dr. Robert Doback: [they make out on the bed] I have a boat, and I wanna retire and sail around the world...
Nancy

Huff: Oh, I LOVE the sea!
[they kiss and embrace each other]
Dr. Robert Doback: And I drive a Mercedes and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale, who still lives at home!
[pause]
Nancy Huff: [rises from the bed and looks down at him, shocked] What did you *just* say?
Dr. Robert Doback: [sulks] Oh! I knew I

shouldn't have told you that!
Nancy Huff: I have a 39-year-old son named Brennan- who still lives at home with me!
[they begin to have sex]

Derek: What if I were to tell you that I could sell this house... for 30 percent above market?
Dr. Robert Doback: That'd be great. Could you do it?
Derek: Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby. Look, I got my real-estate license a few years back for shits and gigs. I'd even do it for four-fifths commish... because you know what really gets my

dick hard? Helping out my friends.

Brennan Huff: [while burying Dale alive] Now I'm gonna play your drumset! Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you...
[after burying Dale]
Brennan Huff: This is your fault. Oh, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna sleep good tonight...
[Brennan walks away]
Dale Doback: [climbs out of the dirt and lunges at Brennan]

[growling]
Dale Doback: DON'T YOU TOUCH MY DRUMS!
Brennan Huff: [screams] Zombie! ZOMBIE! Get off me, zombie!