The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
Excuse the mess but we live here.
The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office.
Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.
Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.
Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.
I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled.
Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?
I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.
I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'
