Emma: I lost him.
Adam: So, did I just pass out on your couch?
Emma: No. Then you did this thing. It was like, a dance?
Adam: Dance?
Emma: Yeah, like.
[impersonates Adam's dance]
Adam: I shook my dick at you?
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
Emma: No, no. It was exciting. It was like, you were cheering while you were doing it. You were like, "look at my dick!"
Adam: Did you look at it?
Emma: Yeah I looked. It was nice. You have a really nice penis.
Adam: Nice?
Emma: Seems kind of like carefree.
Shira: I just pulled a penis out of a Vitamin Water yesterday, so we are cool with penises here.
Alvin: So... Are you having sex?
[hands marijuana to Adam]
Adam: Yes. I'm having sex.
Alvin: 'Cause if you want any pointers, you know... I can help you out. If there's one thing you learn after two failed marriages, it's how to eat kitty. Anyone special?
Adam: No. I mean, not since Vanessa.
Alvin: It's been a year. It's time to move on.
Adam: It's been eight months, Dad.
Lisa: She is so good at impressions.
Adam: Do an impression, then.
Lisa: Yes, do an impression then.
Joy: All right, guess who this is.
[Joy sucks in her lips]
Joy: Dad!
[she sucks in her lips again]
Joy: Dad!
Lisa: Oh my
God, that's so cute.
Adam: I don't know.
Lisa: Come on.
Joy: Where are you?
Adam: I don't know.
Joy: Where are you, Dad?
[Wallace walks over]
Wallace: It's Nemo.
Lisa: Yes!
Joy: Yeah.
Adam: Nemo.
Lisa: Amazing.
Adam: I don't know why I didn't get that. How did you know that?
Wallace: 'Cause I've seen it a thousand times. That's how.
Lisa: Mmmm. Drew Barrymore.
Joy: I don't know if I'm drunk enough.
Lisa: Come on.
Adam: You can't do Drew Barrymore.
Wallace: Oh, but she can.
Joy: [in sexy valley girl accent] Happy holidays. I was in 'The Wedding Singer'.
[normal voice]
Joy: That's it. That's all I have.
Adam: That was kind of an amazing Drew Barrymore.
Shira: You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
Emma: No. Things were getting too intense so we decided not to see each other until we hook up with other people.
Shira: Okay. Yes. Good! We are getting laid tonight. This is going to be like Sideways only you're Paul Giamatti and I'm the guy who gets laid.
Emma: I can't get laid?
Shira: No. Tonight is about me, Emma. I'm feeling hot. I'm feeling good. I'm wearing bikini bottoms because my other underwear is dirty. Alright, we're hot. You feel hot?
Emma: [shrugs] No one threw up on me today.
Shira: We're sluts, Emma. We're dirty, dirty sluts!
Emma: Okay.
Shira: Remember, we're sluts!