Tyler Durden: [29:10] It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car. Narrator: There's always that.
Margo Dunne: [discussing what kind of wood item Nick is going to give to Amy for their 5th wedding anniversary, the "wood" anniversary] So what are you going to give her?
Nick Dunne: I don't know, there's nothing good for wood.
Margo Dunne: I know what you can do. You go home and fuck her brains out. Then you take your penis and
smack her in the face with it, and you say, "There's some wood, bitch!"
[Discussing their careers as marijuana growers]
J: I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles: Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?
Jenko: It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.
Annie Schmidt: You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober, when he was really fucked up and a
lot of fun!
Dale Arbus: So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?
Porn Star: [Andy is trying to fantasize about a porn star while masturbating] Hi Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. I wanna have lots of sexy sex with you. I wanna touch your big fat
[becomes Andy's voice]
Porn Star: noodle. 'Cause I wanna have naughty intercourse with you. I want you to put your penis on... I mean in me, Andy. I wanna do lots of
sexy hot things with you. Shit. This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say... because I AM YOU!
Zelda: [Elisa looks noticeably happier] Why you smilin', hon? Well stop lookin' like that. What happened?
[Elisa shakes her head to say "nothing"]
Zelda: Why? How? How? Does he - have a...?
[Elisa nods and uses her hands to describe what the Amphibian Man's penis looks like]
Zelda: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[pause]
Zelda: Lor'...! Never trust a man. Even when he looks flat down there.
[laughs]
Ben Stone: [Ben knocks on the door at Sadie's birthday party and Sadie answers] Oh Hey! What up dawg?
Sadie: Where have you been?
Ben Stone: Around, you know... just kinda doing my thing!
Sadie: Why is everybody so mad at you?
Ben Stone: I don't know are they mad what have they been
saying?
Sadie: They've been saying like Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. Ben's a prick.
Ben Stone: They said that?
Sadie: A lot!
Ben Stone: That sucks!
Sadie: [intrigued] What does it mean?
Ben Stone: [Ben hesitates] Penis... means penis
Sadie: Oh...
[giggles]
Sadie: Penis
[Sadie turns her back and Ben walks in]