Todd: Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo!
Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, *Todd*?
Todd: I don't *know*, Margo!
[They both look at each other, then in the direction of Clark's house]
Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.
Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.
Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
Bethany: Don't throw me down, Clark.
Clark: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany...
Aunt Bethany: Is Rusty still in the navy?
Clark: The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our back yard.
Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.
Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat!
Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark.
Clark: Okay Eddie...
Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.
Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Art: The little lights... they aren't twinkling.
Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.
Audrey: I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.
Art: If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it.
