Kathy Morningside: You know, you think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country.
Gracie Hart: What? You think that their dream is to get blown up?
Cheryl "Rhode Island": Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me - she said they were Satan's panties!
Frank Tobin: You're a genius.
Kathy Morningside: No, Frank, I'm just pissed off.
Gracie Hart: Enjoy running the Miss San Antonio Women's Correctional Facility Pageant, huh, huh?
[chuckles to herself, then turns to Matthews]
Gracie Hart: Get it, the Women's Correctional Facility Pageant...?
Eric Matthews: We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.
Gracie Hart: And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."
Stan Fields: Was that her?
Gracie Hart: Ok, with all due respect here, why did Miss Morningside suggest you?
Victor Melling: Because I am the best... they had their Southern belles, their Midwestern farmers' daughters, spunky western cowgirls, and I have... dirty Harriet!
Gracie Hart: Look, she's gonna cry again.
[imitating winner]
Gracie Hart: "Oh, if I only had a brain."
[after getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream]
Gracie Hart: I'm going to get chip-faced.
Eric Matthews: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.
Eric Matthews: Why don't just you shut up?
Gracie Hart: Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.
Victor Melling: I knew I'd never get you here, unless you had the chance to shoot someone.
Gracie Hart: [to Victor] You know, you're gonna get yours, Henry Higgins.
Gracie Hart: You ate pizza, you stole panties! You're a wild woman!
Cheryl "Rhode Island": My parents don't like anything ostentatious. And they really don't like fire.
Gracie Hart: Sir, that is one really really purple Russian, sir!
Victor Melling: There are no words.
[a dentist is cleaning Grace's teeth, and a barber is untangling her hair]
Gracie Hart: Can't I get some Novocain?
Dentist: It's only a cleaning.
Gracie Hart: No, I'm talking about Sweeney Todd back here.
[at the pageant breakfast]
Stan Fields: As you know, I'll be retiring this year.
[everyone moans in sympathy]
Mary Jo Wright, Miss Texas: Oh, he's not retiring. I spoke to him this morning, the poor man blurted out the whole thing. They're firing him. Going for someone newer and younger. I hope it's Ricky Martin.
Cheryl "Rhode Island": I was like a female Rain Man!
