Victor Melling: Your hair should make a statement.
Gracie Hart: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!
Gracie Hart: My teeth - What are you going to do with my teeth?
Victor Melling: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.
Victor Melling: If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
Gracie Hart: Where am I gonna keep my gun?
Eric Matthews: Nowhere I wanna know about!
Victor Melling: Ten out of eleven years my girls were crowned. The year we lost, the winner was a deaf-mute. You can't beat that.
Gracie Hart: Donut Nazi.
Kathy Morningside: I would much rather cancel the show than have my girls blown up.
Stan Fields: Especially without their knowledge.
[after McDonald sees himself in a bikini on the computer]
Eric Matthews: We were just looking for someone to go undercover at the pageant.
McDonald: And I'm the best we have. That doesn't inspire much confidence.
Eric Matthews: All right, here's your new IDs. For pageant identity.
Gracie Hart: [looking at hers] Gracie Lou Freebush?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, remember, you like that name.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.
Victor Melling: He's with me.
Eric Matthews: I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like...
Victor Melling: Come on, muffin!
[answering her question]
Cheryl "Rhode Island": In a way, America is like a big ship, and when we work together and respect each other, that's when the ship gets safely home.
Victor Melling: [as the audience applauds] Terrific answer! DAMMIT!
Gracie Hart: His ego is like this big and his equpment is like this big!
Stan Fields: And we'll be right back with our five final lesbians - interviews!
Victor Melling: Don't pick your feet up. Why are you picking your feet up?
Gracie Hart: Because I'm preparing to run away!
Cheryl "Rhode Island": My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner, and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and - and music and - and movies.
Karen "New York": No wonder you're still a virgin.
Kathy Morningside: Oh, oh, Victor, you'll take the bags to the room. I realize it's been a while since you've been with us, but you remember how everything goes, don't you?
[Kathy walks off with Gracie]
Victor Melling: One little mistake, and I'm a bloody bellhop!
Grace's father: [from trailer] Honey, are you a lesbian?
Gracie Hart: [snorts] I wish!
