Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Nick, Lou, Adam: [Repeated line, whispered] Great White Buffalo.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Jacob: Do I really got to be the asshole that says we got in this thing and went back in time?
Nick: It must be some kind of hot tub time machine...
[deadpans into camera]

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way.
Jacob: Yeah not with another fucking guy!
Lou: It's still a three-way!

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

April: Maybe the universe will bring us together again...

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Jacob: [about Blaine] Hey look, it's the douchbag from Karate Kid 3.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Jacob: [from trailer] Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: [to Jacob, while Lou is shocked that the former does not have ritalin] Don't fuckin' lie to me, every one of you people have ritalin.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Jacob: [Refferring to Lou] Do you remember when I was 12 and he tried to bite me.
Adam: Yeah, but you had that coming.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: God. Relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friends face before.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Nick: [Nick is having sex with Tara in the bathtub in order to keep the events of the past unchanged. Nick is crying about cheating on his wife] Courtney.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: No seriously my name is Tara.

Nick: Not you, my wife.
Tara: You're married?
Nick: No, not yet, she's nine.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Receptionist: I do have a reservation here for a Nick Webber-Agnew.
Lou: [overhears Nick's name] ... Webber-Agnew?, Webber *fucking* Agnew?, you took your wife's last name?
Nick: It's progressive, a lot of dudes are doing it.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Nick: [on being stuck in the 80's] How am I supposed to get a job?

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: Let's go to the bar, plan our empire. Fucking iPods, you know? Fucking Prius. Match.com. Anything.com. Fucking Internet.com! Fucking Zac Efron. Nobody invented him yet. What about Twitter? Whatever the fuck that is. Hey, we could combine Twitter with fucking Viagra. Twitt-agra.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: It's called male bonding okay. Haven't you even seen 'Wild Hogs'?

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Adam: Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.
Nick: He made you his little bitch!
Adam: He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
Lou: None of this is helping me at all.
Adam: I know,

it's coming. It's coming right now.
Nick: Patience.
Adam: Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
Blaine: What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
Adam: You're better than him!
Blaine: America!
Adam: Maybe not by a lot, but a little.

You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Blaine: The moment's over. Let's go!
Adam: You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
Nick: Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
Adam: You love that

song, don't you?
Lou: I love that fucking song!
[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
Adam: Shit.
Lou: God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Adam: The carving you made 20 years ago, about me sucking cocks and dicks, it's not there.
Lou: Wait. Is "cocks" still there?
Adam: Nothing. I mean, it's not there.
Lou: What about "dicks"?
Adam: Neither "cocks," nor "dicks," nor "sucks."
Lou: Oh, God!

Nick: That's it. We're stuck in the fuckin' '80s!

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Lou: The butterfly effect can suck my nuts!

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

Customer: Don't I know you? I know you! You're the singer from Chocolate Lipstick. You guys used to play at the Jam Shack on Friday nights.
Nick: Damn! You remember that?
Customer: Yeah. You were so good.
Customer: Oh my God. Are you still singing?
Nick: No no, that was a long time ago.


Customer: Oh wow. What are you doing now?
Customer: You get shit shit out of dog's asses. That's great.

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hot Tub Time Machine

April: What happened to your...
Adam: I got stabbed in the face with a fork, I saw it coming, I avoided it, I didn't avoid it, it happened to me in a different way.