Kelly: Whatever! I'm gonna go to a party at the ski patrol house, I'm gonna find a sexy instructor and I'm gonna wax his fuckin' pole. Later, homos.
Jenny: God, I can't stop thinking about last night. It was like - friggin' hot.
Adam: It was? What did we do? I don't remember.
Jenny: You lasted, like, 10 minutes.
Lou: I didn't fuck that girl. Okay? Because I'm committed to not changing the past.
Jacob: Right. It had nothing to do with her wanting to be a Chinese finger trap. And I'm not saying that because she was Asian.
Jenny: Everybody knows what a big deal you're gonna be some day.
Adam: No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not anybody.
Jenny: Adam, okay. It's not you, it's me.
Adam: I say that to you. You don't say that to me. That's not how this works.
Nick: I don't like you taking liberties with my dick.
April: You got to embrace the chaos. You have to. That way, life might just astonish you.
Adam: I'm not really making any plans. I'm just sort of letting the universe surprise me, right?
April: I like that. I like that a lot. That's the sign of a happy man.
Jacob: Nobody fucks my mother in the past!
Kelly: Aren't you coming to my room with me?
Lou: No, I gotta take my clothes off and get in a hot tub with these guys.
Adam: Don't fuck around, Lou. Let's go!
Lou: I'm good here, man. I had a good day! I beat the shit out of that guy, finally! I fucked your sister!
Nick: This better be the last time my ass travels through time.
Lou: Come on! Come on, come on. Panties, panties, panties!
Kelly: What the fuck are you doing?
Lou: Why don't you shut your slut mouth and mind your own fucking business?
Kelly: You disgust me. I love how much you hate you.
Lou: Thank you.
Nick, Jacob, Lou, Adam: Cheers!
Nick: To past, present and future.
Lou: [singing] You know that I've seen, Too many romantic dreams, Up in lights, Falling off the silver screen, My heart's like an open book, For the whole world to read, Sometimes nothing keeps me together, At the seams, I'm on my way, I'm on my way, Home sweet home...
Repairman: [indicates cigarette machine] Hey, maybe what you need isn't in here after all.
[indicates Candy Girl's heart]
Repairman: Maybe what *you* need has always been in here.
Candy Girl: Really?
Repairman: No.
Jacob: She dumped you... and you still got stabbed in the eye!
