I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
Nothing succeeds like address.
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
