Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

My favorite animal is steak.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.