Clementine: I wish you'd stayed.
Joel: I wish I'd stayed, too. NOW I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd... I wish I'd stayed... I do.
[Joel calls Clem on the telephone]
Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
Clementine: Do you miss me?
Joel: Oddly enough, I do!
Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!
Joel: I guess so!
Clementine: [whispers] Meet me... in Montauk...
Clementine: And in your wormy little brain. You try to figure out, "Did she fuck someone tonight?"
Joel: No, see Clem. I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you?
Patrick: Baby, whats wrong?
Clementine: I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN'S COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!
[as Joel and Clementine eat out, he thinks about the other glum-looking couples in the restaurant]
Joel: Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead? I can't stand the idea of us being a couple people think that about.
Joel: Mierzwiak! Please let me keep this memory, just this one.
Clementine: I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it, and I don't need anybody else to be it at me.
Joel: [on tape recording] And the whole thing with the hair - it's all bullshit.
Joel: I really like your hair.
Clementine: Thank you.
Joel Barish: I can't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will, you will think of things and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel Barish: Okay.
Clementine: Okay.
Clementine: Maybe you can find yourself a nice antique rocking chair to die in.
Clementine: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
Joel: I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?
Clementine: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.
Joel: Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one.
Joel: Is there any risk of brain damage?
Howard: Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.
Joel: Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!
Joel: I think your name is magical.
Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.
Clementine: I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!
Joel: Can you hear me? I don't want this any more! I want to call it off!
