Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

When I think of Emily Dickinson, there's not one particular poem of hers that jumps out, but I do have a very vivid image of an ill woman with giant eyes who wants to write about the sun exploding.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

I love 'Jane Eyre,' and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn't read any of them until I was in college, so I don't have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

My history teacher could make us feel like he was imparting rare gossip to us when he was talking about Maria Theresa and the Habsburgs. I just loved that sense of - the Western canon is here, and it's gossipy and tawdry, and everyone is sort of goofy.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer's side of the partition.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

The Toast's audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we actively try to discourage men from reading our site. Apparently, there's not insignificant number of dudes out there who think that what we are doing is okay.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don't care. I love writing in bed.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

Usually, the first thing I do when I wake up is I start working, so I often won't start the day by reading anything because I like to minimize my 'commute' as much as possible. I wake up, open my laptop and start working in bed.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

I'm on Twitter a lot of the day because I really like Twitter. It's great for jokes. But when I'm writing, I can't do anything else. I can't even listen to music. I just have to write, and then I can do something else. I can't multitask.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

In my final year of attending a Christian sports camp in rural Missouri, the year before I started high school, they began to offer an elective Bible study group for young Christians who wanted a chance to read in the afternoons instead of learn to water-ski.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

My credentials, briefly: I no longer go to church or believe in God, but I can still name every one of the fruits of the Spirit and reeled for days upon hearing the announcement that Audio Adrenaline was reunited with one of the singers from DC Talk.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

We went to church twice a week. My parents were employed in ministry; we prayed before dinner. We rollerbladed in the summer. We were allowed to watch the 'Simpsons.' I fought with my younger brother over Legos.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

One of the things that would be great is to some day have so many women comedy writers that we wouldn't say there's just one type of female humor. There's lots.

Daniel Mallory Ortberg
Daniel Mallory Ortberg

I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12.