I believe that my part to play in this world is stand-up.
In this pessimistic world, especially in America, a positive outlook is very necessary.
When I tell a joke, I immediately know whether it's funny or not.
My favorite place is Maui. It's almost perfect there - the people, the weather, just everything. No matter how busy you are, when you get to Maui, you chill and relax.
If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that's a pretty awesome state of affairs.
I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.
On stage, I'm really, really tall. I'm five-foot-9, but on stage, I'm, like, six-foot-5.
When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.
The fact that so many comics were waiting to jump on the bandwagon of hate toward me - what is it about me that engages this kind of behavior? I began to see it: My cockiness, my lack of hanging out with other comics. A lot of that wasn't my fault.
When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it.
Here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends, who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like, I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.
You know what, I stopped doing 'Mind of Mencia' because it got hard, and there was a lot of fighting, and it was just time to move on.
The United States of America on our worst day is better than any other country on their best day. Period. End of story.
I am living in a world where I am happy and doing what I love and making others happy.
When I was a kid, I was in love with one of the 'Charlie's Angels.' I told my dad, 'I'm going to marry somebody like Cheryl Ladd.' My dad said, 'You're not that good-looking, mijo. You're going to have to make a lot of money if that's what you want.' I went, 'Well, I want that, so I'm going to make money.'
I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I've ever done is on a hard drive. I can tell you when I wrote every joke I wrote. I can tell you the first time I said it, when I made it different, when I made it better.
At the end of the day, my career is not going to be judged by one or two or three moments in time. It'll be judged by the longevity of it.
When you have a TV show, and you're selling out 10,000 seats or whatever the hell it is, it's not that it becomes easy. It's just that's what your life is like.
When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.
Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.
