91 Beetlejuice Quotes (2024) #3

Beetlejuice

Adam: [In a decomposed state and trying to say Beetlejuice's name three times] BEH...
[his mouth falls out]

Beetlejuice

Lydia: [while eating Cantonese food] I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: I'm just doin' my job. Besides, I thought we had a deal! Hey, it's OK. You know why? I don't wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway. The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. I think she understands me.

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because I got to tell you, this dead thing... it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem. I got these friends I said I'd meet, and it's the kind of thing where I have to be there in person, so could you help me get out of here?
Lydia: I want

to get in.
Beetlejuice: Why?... You know, hey, you probably got your reasons. I can't do anything from here. If you could get me out, then maybe we could talk or something.

Beetlejuice

Otho: What happened to these people?
Delia: They died. Oh, look, an indoor outhouse.

Beetlejuice

Barbara: Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
Adam: She's got photos, Barbara.
Barbara: Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot!

Beetlejuice

[reading The Handbook for the Living and the Dead]
Charles: This thing reads like stereo instructions.
[Harry Belafonte's "Shake Shake Senora" plays in the background]
Charles: Oh, sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test.
[a head sculpture of the Betelgeuse snake appears next to him]
Charles: Jeez!

[Charles falls out of his chair. Delia pulls the sculpture up and smiles]
Delia: He likes it.

Beetlejuice

Lydia: If you are real ghosts, you guys better get another routine because those sheets, they don't work.

Beetlejuice

[Adam and Barbara struggle to understand the "Handbook for the Recently Deceased"]
Barbara: I hate this. Just can you give me the basics?
Adam: Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you wanna know?
Barbara: Well, why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? Are we halfway to heaven? Are we halfway to hell?

And... how long is this gonna last?
Adam: I don't see anything about heaven OR hell. This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: "Geographical and temporal perimeters. Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation.
[Snaps book shut]
Adam: Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.

Beetlejuice

[On the new house]
Lydia: Delia hates it.
[sees a HUGE spider on a web]
Lydia: I could live here.

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: Let's see, business section.
[he flips to the obituary page of a newspaper]
Beetlejuice: Ooh la la. What do we got here? The Maitlands, uh? Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.

Beetlejuice

Delia: This is my art, and it is dangerous! Do you think I want to die like this?

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [to Charles and Delia] Mom, Dad. I just want you two to know, you're welcome at our house anytime you want to come over. In the meantime, the dowry's on me, dad.
[gives Charles a handful of snakes]

Beetlejuice

Adam: [reading] 'Handbook of the Recently Diseased'.
Barbara: ...*deceased*.
Adam: Deceased?
Barbara: I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher.
Adam: [does so] 'Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press'.
Barbara: You know what? I don't think we

survived the crash!

Beetlejuice

[Adam and Barbara see a dark room with decomposed souls]
Barbara: Oh, Adam... What is this?
Janitor: That's the lost souls room; a room for ghosts that have been exorcised. The poor devils. That's death for the dead. It's all in the handbook.
[he closes the shade of the room]
Janitor: Keep moving.

Beetlejuice

Barbara: What about that guy in the flyer, you know Betel...
Juno: Shhh! Don't even say his name! You don't want his help!
Adam: We might.
Juno: No, you don't! He does not work well with others.
Barbara: What do you mean?
Juno: I didn't want to bring it up, but

rather than have you stumble on to it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. He was my assistant, but he was a troublemaker. Went out on his own as a freelance bio-exorcist. Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. The only way he can be brought back is by calling his name three times. But I strongly suggest

you get the Deetzes out by yourselves.

Beetlejuice

Otho: [enters a room with Barbara holding up Adam's severed head] Ugh. Deliver me from L.L. Bean.

Beetlejuice

Barbara: [after the Deetzes moved in] Is this a punishment or something? What are we gonna do?
Adam: We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts.