Beetlejuice Quotes

Delia: Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax.
Charles: Ha.
Delia: I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!
Charles:

[after a long pause] Yeah, well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh... But, why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?
Delia: [smiles] Okay.
[Delia and Otho leave as Charles goes furious]
Barbara: [furiously] I'm gonna get her.

Barbara: [after Jane did not hear Adam call her] She didn't see you, right?
Adam: Unh-uh.
Barbara: [reading the handbook] In the book: "Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead".
Adam: 'Won't' or 'can't'?
Barbara: It just says 'won't'. God, this book is so stupid. I can't

understand anything in it.
[Adam takes the book and closes it]
Adam: Barb, honey... we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore.

[in the waiting room of the afterlife]
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist:

And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something: if I knew then what I know now...
[shows her slit wrists]
Receptionist: ...I wouldn't have had my little accident.
[the dead people laugh]

[last lines]
[in the waiting room, Betelgeuse is sitting next to a witch doctor who is next in line]
Beetlejuice: Pardon me. Did you do that?
[points to an explorer with a shrunken head]
Beetlejuice: That's very nice work. Let me ask you something. How do you get them so sma...? Hey, there goes Elvis! Yo, King!
[as the doctor

looks away, Betelgeuse switches numbers]
Beetlejuice: Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. I gotta do a photo shoot for GQ in about an hour and a half. Yeah, they've been after me for months. Doin' some underwear deal. I don't know what...
[the witch doctor sprinkles some powder on Betelgeuse's head which starts it shrinking]

Beetlejuice: [voice getting higher as head gets smaller] Whoa, hey! What are you doing? Hey, stop it! Hey, you're messing up my hair! C'mon! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Whoa! Hey, this might be a good look for me.

Preacher: And you, do you, Lydia, take this man...?
Lydia: [Interrupting] No! Beetle...
Beetlejuice: [covers Lydia's mouth with his hand] She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?
[speaks in Lydia's voice]
Beetlejuice: I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me

is the one I want. You asked me, I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.

Juno: [as Adam and Barbara come back to the afterlife] You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook!
Adam: Handbook? When?
Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never trust the living! We cannot have a

routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death.

Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
Beetlejuice: [Runs off to the side mumbling to himself] Oh geez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision isn't it? I mean, I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Oh, well.
[Runs back to the altar and stands next to Lydia]

Beetlejuice: Sure, yeah. Go ahead.

Otho: [while Lydia shows them the attic] Fabulous. 'Otho Fenlock's Locked Door Ghosts' Probably committed suicide up there. I'm totally enchanted.
Delia: They're in there? They must live like animals.
Charles: It's locked. How'd they get in?
Delia: [bangs on the door] Open this door, you dead people, or we'll

bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with!
Lydia: Shh! They didn't commit suicide.
Delia: It doesn't matter. Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.

Adam: Cabin fever, hon?
Barbara: Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there

wouldn't be dust on everything.

Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you "Night of the Living Dead" under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?

Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits.

Beetlejuice: I gotta card around here, somewhere. Here, here. Who do I have to kill? Here hold that for me, would ya?
[hands Barbara a rat]
Barbara: Whoa! AHH!
Beetlejuice: There. There ya go.
Adam: You don't have to kill anybody!
Beetlejuice: Ah, possession! Good.

Barbara: [In Betelgeuse's voice] Learn to throw your voice! Fool your friends! Fun at parties!