A Christmas Story Quotes

The Old Man: [unveiling his major award] Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT?
Mother: What is it?
The Old Man: It's a leg!
Mother: But what is it?
The Old Man: Well, it's... A leg, you know, like a statue.
Mother: Statue?
The Old

Man: Yeah, statue.
Ralphie: Yeah, statue.
Mother: Ralphie!
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.

The Old Man: Dadgummit! Blow out!
[on the highway, the car has gotten a flat tire]
The Old Man: Aha!
[excitedly gets out of the car]
Mother: Not again.
The Old Man: Four minutes. Time me.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Actually the Old Man loved it. He had always

pictured himself in the pits of the Indianapolis Speedway in the 500. My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academic sense. They were round, they had once been made of rubber.

The Old Man: [after Mother "accidentally" breaks the Old Man's leg lamp] Don't you touch that! You were always jealous of this lamp.
Mother: Jealous of a plastic...
The Old Man: Jealous! Jealous because I WON.
Mother: That's ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of WHAT? That is... the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in

my entire LIFE!
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Now it was out.

The Old Man: Get in the car. Get in the car.
[Mother runs back inside]
The Old Man: If we don't hurry, we're gonna miss all the good trees!
[turns back to the boys]
The Old Man: Go on, go on.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating, as Mother switches off the leg lamp] My mother was about to make another

brilliant maneuver in the legendary battle of the lamp. The epic struggle which follows lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street to this very day.
Mother: Don't want to waste electricity.
The Old Man: [mimicking] "Don't want to waste electricity."
Mother: Come on, Ralphie. Get in the car.

Ralphie as an Adult: Immediately, my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with a blue button eye stared sappily up at me.
Mother: Come down, so I can see you better.
Ralphie as an Adult: I just hope Flick would never spot them as a word of this humiliation could make easier in life at Warren G. Harding School a

variatable Hell.

The Old Man: [In the Chinese restaurant, the waiter brings out the cooked duck, which still has its head on; Mrs. Parker is laughing] Yes, it's a beautiful duck. It really is. But you see... it's smiling at me.
[He lifts the head of the duck]
Chinese Father: Ooohh!
[He chops off the duck's head. Mrs. Parker and the kids are laughing]

Ralphie as an Adult: That Christmas would live in our memories as the year we were introduced to Chinese turkey.