Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating, after BB gun shot bounces off target and hits his face] Oh my god, I shot my eye out!
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. It had to be firm, but subtle.
Ralphie: Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store!
[everyone stares at Ralphie]
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone, and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory.
The Old Man: Oh, look at that! Will you look at that? Isn't that glorious? It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July!
The Old Man: [Watching in horror as the Bumpus hounds flee after devouring the Christmas turkey] Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!
Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
The Old Man: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screwdriver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
Miss Shields: [reading Ralphie's theme in his fantasy, she clutches his essay to her chest] Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time". Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+!
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating about diving with his brother into the gifts under the Christmas tree] Christmas had come officially. We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
The Old Man: Didn't I get a tie this year?
Ralphie: Scut Farkus!
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So help me, God! Yellow eyes!
The Old Man: You wart mundane noodle!
Kid with Goggles: I like Santa.
Ralphie: Yeah.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Let's face it, most of us are scoffers. But moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.
The Old Man: It's a Major Award!
Swede: A Major Award? Shucks, I wouldn't know that. It looks like a lamp.
The Old Man: It is a lamp, you nincompoop, but it's a Major Award. I won it!
Swede: Damn, hell, you say won it?
The Old Man: Yeah, mind power, Swede; mind power.
Ralphie: [in his fantasy, Ralphie explains the cause of his blindness] It... It 'twas... soap poisoning!
Ralphie: [chuckles] I was just kidding, even though Schwartz is getting one. I guess I'd just like some Tinker Toys.
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] I couldn't believe my own ears. Tinker Toys? She'd never buy it.
Mother: BB guns are dangerous. I don't want anyone shooting his eye out.
Mother: Randy? What's wrong? What you crying for?
Randy: Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!
Mother: No, he's not...
Randy: Yes, he is too!
Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie!
Ralphie: Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas.
The Old Man: A new furnace.
Ralphie: Ha ha! That's a good one, Dad!
[Randy laughs]
