Shelly Quotes

Professor Shelly Oberon: [Bethany as Prof. Shelly Oberon is about to pee as a male for the first time] So how do we do this?
Moose Finbar: Easy. You just - you unzip, take it out, fire away.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Remember to aim. It's very important.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Gasping] Oh my God, you guys,

there's like literally a penis attached to my body right now. Martha, come look at my penis!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Moose Finbar: Is this the first that you've seen it?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yes, I didn't wanna look.
Moose Finbar: I looked at mine within the first 20 seconds of getting here.

I'm happy to report that I was able to bring one thing from the outside world.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Bethany tried to take a peek at Finbar' peeing]
Moose Finbar: What? Are you...? What are you doing? Are you looking?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Sorry.
Moose Finbar: You don't look over here!

Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Yeah, you never look. It's a thing.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Unzipping his pants] Okay, good boy. We're gonna take this nice and slow, and nobody's gonna get hurt. Now what?
Moose Finbar: Now blast off!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: And aim, don't forget to aim.
Moose

Finbar: What is with you and aiming? What happened to you?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Can we not talk about this in mixed company?
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Peeing] Wow, wow, WOW! Oh, this is so much easier!
Moose Finbar: [Chuckles] It's cool, right?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yeah, because you

have, like, a handle. The fact that I'm not Instagramming this right now is insane.

Professor Shelly Oberon: Seriously, I can't even open my mouth around you. You don't even know me, but you, like, decided you hate me.
Ruby Roundhouse: Look, I just think you live in, like, the "hot popular girl" bubble, you know, where everybody either treats you like a princess or like an object. Maybe it makes you a little self-absorbed or something?

Professor Shelly Oberon: That's fair. But do you think that maybe the reason why you are so judgy is because you are like afraid that people are not gonna like you, so you've decided not to like them first? I'm just saying, you're a babe, go with it.

Professor Shelly Oberon: [after training Ruby Roundhouse to be alluring] You guys, I think this is gonna work.
Seaplane McDonough: I think so too. She's pretty fly and those guys, don't meet alot of new people.
Moose Finbar: Fly?
Seaplane McDonough: Well not like, Cindy Crawford fly. But for Jumanji, she da

bomb.
Professor Shelly Oberon: DA BOMB?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Cindy Crawford?
Moose Finbar: That's your go to?
Seaplane McDonough: I'm just saying, I'm sure to they'd like to get jiggy with her.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Alex, what year do you think it is?
Seaplane

McDonough: What do you mean?
Moose Finbar: Oh no.
Seaplane McDonough: It's 1996
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: You're Alex Vreek, aren't you.
Seaplane McDonough: Yeah, that's right.
Moose Finbar: Wait a minute, you mean the Freak house?
Seaplane

McDonough: Wait, what are you... what are you guys talking about? How do you know me?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Alex, I don't exactly know how to tell you this...
Moose Finbar: [interrupts] YOU'VE BEEN IN THIS GAME FOR 20 YEAR!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: That's probably not how I would have done it.
Seaplane

McDonough: What? No, you guys are messing with me, right?
Professor Shelly Oberon: No we're not, Alex Vreek, everybody in Brantford knows about you. You're the kid that disappeared, 20 years ago.
Seaplane McDonough: 20 years?
Moose Finbar: 20 years man, I don't even know how to say this but, Ciny Crawford, dude she's

like 50 years old.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: But still fly.
Moose Finbar: Meh.

Moose Finbar: [after taking a bite of a cake] Wait, what - what is this?
Bread Vendor: That's my famous pound cake.
Ruby Roundhouse: Cake? Isn't that your weakness?
Moose Finbar: Bethany, you said this was bread!
Professor Shelly Oberon: I guess it's been so long, I forget how it tastes

like...
Moose Finbar: How do you forget what...
[looking at Ruby Roundhouse]
Moose Finbar: What is happening? Something happens to me?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I... am I shaking?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I breaking out?

Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I still black?
Ruby Roundhouse: Yes.
Moose Finbar: Okay. Okay, right? We're fine. Everything is fine. Yeah... no, no, no, it's okay. It probably just meant that I love cake that I couldn't resist it. Hey, it's all good...
[Finbar suddenly explodes in a burst of

flame]