It's hard to believe a kid hitting golf balls in the cow pastures of New Mexico could have accomplished what I have accomplished.
What kind of woman irons her husband's sheets? Even the clothes I wear, I just throw 'em in the dryer with some golf balls.
I have to chase down the most scientifically efficient way to get the golf ball in the hole.
I use TaylorMade. I've tested every golf ball. TaylorMades are great.
Personally, I belong to the speedy school of golf. If it were left up to me, I would introduce a new rule that said every golf ball has to stay in motion from the moment it leaves the tee to the moment it plops into the hole, thus obliging each player to run along after his ball and give it another whack before it stops rolling.
You must remind yourself at all times that the golf ball is nothing. It's an object. It's something to be swatted and sometimes lost and not even looked for.
The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting.
I haven't looked for a golf ball since mulligans were free, which was a law I passed in 1995.
When I'm swinging well, nobody hits the golf ball any better than I do.
I can't hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball.
