Most of my childhood is a big blur, 'cause I needed better glasses.
I think it's never too late to start anything, except maybe being a ballerina.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.
People ask me if they can send me material, and some people give or send it to me unsolicited, but I rarely buy jokes.
I would love to do a sitcom. I see myself as an older woman, getting married, and her stepchildren, who are in their twenties, move back home.
When I want to make someone laugh in real life (as opposed to when I'm on stage where I tell one-liners), I tend to do prop comedy. For example, if I'm at the supermarket with my husband, I might put 16 bags of marshmallows in our cart when he's not looking, or if I'm trying to make a kid smile, I'll put my glasses on crooked.
A couple of weeks ago, I did karaoke and got nervous in a way I hadn't gotten nervous in 25 years. I'm so used to getting on stage in front of strangers to tell jokes, but singing is a whole different animal.
At one point, I wrote 20 jokes a day, and I had a commitment to send them to the same three people. Now, I just write down what my husband says in his sleep. He's the funniest person, even unconscious.
The audience loves when the comedian talks to them. You're creating inside jokes, which creates a community.
My parents used to bring me to Radio City when I was a little girl, so performing there 50 years later was absolutely surreal - especially with my parents in the audience!
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
I love being a housewife... I love doing laundry. Except I have a little bit of separation anxiety, and you have to separate your laundry, so I have a little bit of a problem there.
I want to be more myself. Sometimes it takes awhile to find your voice.
I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.
I used to write jokes with friends. We'd pick a topic and then think out loud, brainstorm.
Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.
People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!
My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.
I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.