Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner, you know, catch up on old times?
Mary: Didn't we just do that?
Ted: Oh, uh...
Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!
[to her girlfriends]
Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat hot dogs, I'm talking sausage hot dogs and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.
Brenda: Hmm... a fatty who likes golf and beer. Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?
[Ted has just learned that Dom was Mary's high school boyfriend, for a short time, but now Dom wants to get Mary back for himself]
Ted: But you're married! You have a wife, beautiful kids!
Dom: [rolls his eyes up to the ceiling] Ted, if you love them so much, please, be my guest!
Jonathan: His friends would say stop whining, they've had enough of that. / His friends would say stop pining, there's other girls to look at. / They've tried to set him up with Tiffany and Indigo, / But there's something about Mary that they don't know. / Mary, there's just something about Mary.
Mary: Did you really mean what you said up there?
Ted: Uh-huh. I just want you to be happy Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
Ted: You're fucking with me, right?
[Shakes her head, while smiling]
Ted: What about Brett Favv-ruh?
Mary: What did I tell
you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan.
[Ted laughd, then blows out a breath while walking towards Mary, and then they kiss]
[while Mary's suitors are quarreling, Brett Favre comes into the room, giving Warren a piggyback ride]
Brett Favre: Hi, Mary!
Mary: [astonished] Brett?
Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb-ass.
Ted: Yeah, I
called him, Mary. I told him to pick up Warren and get down here. See, your friend Tucker was lying about a couple of other things.
[Norm, Dom and Pat ease over to the window, apparently afraid of Brett Favre]
Ted: Brett never said those bad things about Warren. He loves Warren. And from what he told me on the phone just now, he loves you, too. He's the guy you
should be with.
Ted: I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks-popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops - but hardly any meat.
Mary: I agree there should be more.
Ted: You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver.
Norm: How the hell do you think I got rid of the last guy, Brett?
Ted: Wait, Brett? Are you saying that Brett didn't say those things about Warren?
Norm: Are you shittin' me? Mr. Goody-Two shoes? He was like an Eagle Scout. Wait a minute, you two should be kissing my fucking hairy bean bag, you know cuz if it wasn't for me she might
of married that schmuck.
Ted: I feel sick. Both of you are just... I'm out of here.