Gary King: It never got better than that night! That was supposed to be the beginning of my life! All that promise and fucking optimism! That feeling that we could take on the whole universe! It was a big lie! Nothing happened!
Steven Prince: [checks watch, waiting for Garry to use the bathroom] This is a long piss.
Oliver Chamberlain: If it is a piss. It might be a little
[mimes out cocaine snorting]
Peter Page: Poo?
Oliver Chamberlain: How's that a poo?
Andrew Knightley: How can you tell if you're drunk if you're never sober?
Gary King: I think you bit off more than you can chew with earth mate
Andrew Knightley: Yeah, because we're more belligerent, more stubborn and more idiotic than you could ever imagine.
The Network: It's pointless arguing with you. You will be left to your own devices.
Gary King: Really?
The Network: Yeah. Fuck it.
Steven Prince: Where are you getting this from?
Oliver Chamberlain: Old man Basil! He was there with a Bermuda Rhombus and the Aqua Nazis!
Gary King: Another great name for the band. Steve, write that down!
Gary King: That settles it then, the last thing we need to do is get pulled over by the police. A - we're all drunk, B- they might be in on it, and C - we've got blood on our hands.
Peter Page: It's more like ink
Gary King: We've got ink on our hands.
Gary King: Five guys, twelve pubs, fifty pints!
Andrew Knightley: Sixty pints.
Gary King: Oh hoo, steady on you alky!
Gary King: We'll always have the disableds.
Sam: We'll always have the disableds.
Andrew Knightley: [screams] I fucking hate this town!
Steven Prince: Wow, you really have a selective memory don't you!
Gary King: Somebody else was saying that!
Andrew Knightley: Me.
Gary King: No, I would have remembered.
Steven Prince: Ten people have entered in this toilet in the last five minutes and not a single one has come back out again. That's going to look suspicious.
Gary King: Gay loving!
Gary King: [having repeatedly banged his head against the wall] There, that proves I'm human.
Steven Prince: It proves you're stupid.
Gary King: Exactly! Ow!
Gary King: [at The First Post, everyone except Andy has ordered a pint of lager] I can't fucking believe this. A man of your legendary prowess drinking fucking... rain. It's like a lion eating hummus.
Steven Prince: That doesn't make any sense.
Gary King: You're right it doesn't.
Andrew Knightley: You said you wanted to chew the fat. I think you just wanted to drink it. We're not your friends, we're just your fucking enablers.
Gary King: Enabler? Oh that's a funny word. Gary King & The Enablers. Actually that would make a great name for the band. Steve, write that down.
Gary King: You really had to replace the entire town?
The Network: Well not the whole town.
Gary King: Well yeah everyone except for Odd Ball and the Shifty Twins!
Steven Prince: That would make a great name for the band. Gary, write that down.
Andrew Knightley: Oh, my god, Gary, this is robbing Peter to pay Paul!
Gary King: No, I borrowed from Peter to pay you, I still owe Paul!
Basil: [after saying blanks can replicate you from saliva on glasses] That's why I drink using a crazy straw. Not so crazy now.
