Bob Littleford: Wife's makin her famous deviled eggs again, my waistline's furious.
David Ershon: [being arrested by Hoitz and Gamble for the first time] Is this real? Am I being Punk'd?
Terry Hoitz: [Gamble hits Hoitz with his wooden pistol]
[Hoitz in pain]
Terry Hoitz: That hurt, man!
Allen Gamble: I think my line is being tapped. Do you remember where we did it on Halloween 3 years ago?
Dr. Sheila Gamble: Yeah.
Allen Gamble: Meet me there.
Allen Gamble: I didn't need you to stick up for me, ok? I could've handled that myself.
Terry Hoitz: Hey, don't flatter yourself. It's the partners' code. I had no choice.
Allen Gamble: [both lie under the bed] First off, I missed you.
Terry Hoitz: What's going on?
Allen Gamble: Did you hear what I said?
Terry Hoitz: Fine, I kind of missed you too.
Allen Gamble: Thank you.
Allen Gamble: [after explosion] I just want to go somewhere and breastfeed!
Ershon's Assistant: Mr Ershon? Detective Gamble and the officer who shot Derek Jeter are here to see you, sir.
Captain Gene Mauch: Alright Allen, you're gonna have to hand over your gun.
Terry Hoitz: Captain, you really want to disarm this guy, take out the batteries in the calculator.
Allen Gamble: 9:15, let's have a great day everybody!
Jimmy: Cut the shit!
Press Conference Reporter: These suspects were caught with only a quarter-pound of marijuana, a misdemeanor in some states. Do you think this arrest was worth 12 million in property damages?
Art Gallery Patron: Is this man bothering you?
Terry Hoitz: [to Francine] Are you actually having sex with this creep?
Francine: Terry, he's gay, okay? He's even wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm gay"!
[first lines]
Narrator: In New York City there's a fine line between law and chaos. On that line live Danson and Highsmith.
Hal: What would you rather be, a bear or a dog?
Terry Hoitz: I don't care.
Hal: I would rather be a bear-dog, half bear, half dog. Because that way I would live in the house, but I still get to make a doodie in the woods!
Allen Gamble: Hey, what are you doing here?
Terry Hoitz: I come here when I have lady troubles, which means I come here every night.
Derek Jeter: You dick! I'm Derek Jeter! You shot me!
Allen Gamble: [after explosion] I need an MRI!
Captain Gene Mauch: In twenty years, that guy's never been down here before. What did you two do?
