The Nice Guys Quotes

[Healy meets March in the bathroom after previously breaking his arm]
Jackson Healy: March. Jack Healy. Don't get upset. I'm not here to hurt you. I just wanna ask you a question.
[March opens the bathroom stall door and brandishes a gun]
Holland March: How stupid do you think I am? I got a license to carry, motherfucker. Ever since your

little visit the other day, this little baby's gonna stay right here.
[as March gestures with his gun to his to shirt pocket, the stall door begins to close. March slams it open and drops the cigarette he had in his mouth into his pants]
Holland March: Shit! Fuck!
[March reaches down to grab the cigarette and the stall door closes again. He repeatedly slams it

open with his foot. Healy is quietly amused]
Holland March: Don't move.

Jackson Healy: The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it.
Holland March: I can't smell.
Jackson Healy: What?
Holland March: I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.
Jackson Healy: You can't smell?
Holland March: Yeah.

Jackson Healy: You're a detective, and you can't smell?
Holland March: Yeah.
Jackson Healy: Aw, this just keeps getting better and better.
Holland March: Wow, that's really insensitive.

Holly March: Do you by any chance know a girl named Amelia? I think she did a film with Sid Shattuck.
Young Porn Queen: Don't know her, but Sid's gross. He told me this one chick was his sister, right, and then a few days later I walk in on them and they're all doing anal and stuff.
Holly March: [sighs] Don't say, "and stuff." Just

say, "They're doing anal."

[March and Healy are looking for Amelia at a demonstration where a bunch of people are lying motionless on the steps of the city hall wearing gas masks]
Die-In Protester: We can't talk to you. We're dead.
Holland March: No I- Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever, I'm hip, but this is actually a really serious matter.

Die-In Protester: So is this! We've all been killed!
Holland March: No you haven't.
Die-In Protester: F*** you man, we're dead!
Smoker at Protest: They can't talk to you man, they're dead.
Jackson Healy: [to smoker guy] What's the protest about, do you know?
Smoker at

Protest: [to the protesters] Any of you know why you're protesting?
Die-In Protester: The air!
Smoker at Protest: [to Healy] Air.
Holland March: You are protesting the air?
Die-In Protester: Pollution! The birds can't breathe!
Jackson Healy: So all of you died 'cause of

the pollution?
Die-In Protester: [nodding] Right.
Jackson Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?
Holland March: [when the guy can't answer Healy's question] That's f***ing... Alright!
[starts walking down and accidentally steps on a protester's hand]
Die-In Protester: [screams

in pain and pulls her hand] F**ker!
Holland March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.

Holland March: Have you seen this girl ? She's got dark hair, her name is Amelia.
Flight Deck Bartender: What's in it for me?
[March points on Healy]
Holland March: He'll stop doing it.
Flight Deck Bartender: Doing what ?
[Healy quickly grabs the bartender and smack his head on the bar desk]

Flight Deck Bartender: Ow, fuck!
Holland March: That.

Jackson Healy: Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing.
Judith Kuttner: The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.
Jackson Healy: Hmm.
Holland March: What kind? Like which films? What's your

favourite?
Jackson Healy: No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn.
Holland March: Right.
Jackson Healy: Like a crusader.

Jackson Healy: [Healy and March are carrying a dead body] You didn't fall down the fucking hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?
Holland March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Jackson Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
Holland March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have

his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Jackson Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.