The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground]
Jonathan: Look! There's a burial ground! We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure!
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]

Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[while Jonathan is fighting Anch Su Namun]
Alex: Efday Shokran... Efday Shokran... Uncle Jon, I don't know what this last symbol is!
Jonathan: What's it look like?
Alex: It's a bird! A stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?

Jonathan: [struggling with Anch Su Namun] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Ahmenophus!

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun]
Izzy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet. Real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
Izzy: [lowers voice] Unless, of course, we go with your approach, barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I don't care. Forget it, O'Connell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time, I got shot in the ass! I'm in mourning for my ass!

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Rick: [talking about Alex] I swear, the kid gets more and more like you every day.
Evelyn: What, you mean more attractive, sweet and... devilishly charming?
Rick: No, he's driving me crazy.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick]
Rick: Those are poisonous, you know.
Evelyn: Only if they bite you.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Alex: Hey! The Book of the Dead!
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you'd better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents. What makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Lock-Nah: Silence!
Meela: Because

your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes into your bed...
[kisses Alex on the cheek]
Meela: ...while you were sleeping.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Ah, it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, *hiding* in the sun. The white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with

my spleen hanging out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Alex: Mom! What do I do with this chest? This sucker weighs a goddang ton.
Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!
Alex: Rather weighty, this.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Rick: [Rick opens up his trunk] You want the shotgun?
Ardeth Bay: No, I prefer the Thompson.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Jonathan: I say, chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. I'd *love* to know how they do that.
[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]
Jonathan: Just curious.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Lock-Nah: When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy killing you.
Alex: But until that time, you better be a *little* nicer to me. Now, where's my water?
[Lock-Nah shoves a container of water into Alex's hands]
Alex: No ice?

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Jacques: This place... is cursed.
Red: What is it with you and curses?
Spivey: He ain't happy without a good curse.
Spivey: [mockingly] This is cursed. That is cursed.
Red: Give it rest, will ya!

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[last lines]
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What?
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have

no id... I swear on the head of my wife, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't... you a... you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I don't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere]
Evelyn: I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it. We're already packed.
Rick: Why

don't you just give me one good reason?
Evelyn: It's just an oasis... darling. A beautiful... exciting... romantic... oasis.
Rick: Hmm. The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and... We could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.

Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
Rick: Ah, ya see? I knew there's a catch. There's *always* a catch.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Izzy: Isn't she beautiful?
Rick: It's a balloon.
Izzy: Ah! It's a dirigible.
Rick: Where's your airplane?
Izzy: Hah, airplanes are a thing of the past.
Rick: Izzy, you were right.
Izzy: I was?
Rick: Yeah.

[draws pistol]
Rick: You're gonna get shot.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

[after the Scorpion King grabs Hafez]
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: My lord! Save me! Save me!
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] Why?

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Ardeth Bay: Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the Underworld or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth.
Rick: So, that's why they dug up Imhotep. 'Cause he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.
Ardeth Bay: That is their plan.

The Mummy Returns
The Mummy Returns

Rick: Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is my house, I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.