April: [to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.
[at Q&A with Eli at a college school]
Film School Student: Why'd you skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Next question.
Kelly: [bursts into Matthew's classroom yelling] That fuckin' bitch just can't run away because she don't want to fuck on film anymore!
Matthew: I just feel so weird...
Danielle: Shh. Relax. Ecstasy is not that bad.
Matthew: What?
Danielle: Kelly likes dosing people with E.
Matthew: Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?
Danielle: Ooh, boxers.
Matthew: I always wear boxers. You just caught me on a weird day.
[Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players]
Kelly: Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - Fuck, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.
[repeated line]
Eli: Minions, let's move.
[snaps]
Kelly: Stay in school!
Eli: [after realizing that Matt has accidentally taken E] Oh, my God, this is gonna be *amazing*!
Eli: Learn to like it.
Kelly: [after seeing the tape] What the fuck is this shit?
Matthew: [awkwardly driving with Danielle] It's such a long road, you know?
Mr. Peterson: [while both recieving lap dances] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.
Matthew: Well, I don't speak a foreign language, so that's out. And I can't quote John F. Kennedy now, can I, Ryan?
Mrs. Kidman: Do these girls go to your high school?
Eli: No, Mrs Kidman. They're porn stars.
Matthew: I'm in so much trouble.
Kelly: Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.
Matthew: Hey, there's the big daddy!
Dr. Salinger: Matthew, what has been going on?
Matthew: Some serious shit.
Matthew: Excuse me.
[starts making out with Danielle]
