The Emperor's New Groove Quotes

Kuzco: Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?
[Kuzco snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Yzma's "pink slip"]
Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a different

direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.

[Yzma and Kronk are trapped in a dark locked room in Pacha's house]
ChiCha: What do you mean the door's stuck? Try jiggling the handle.
Yzma: There is no handle in here.
ChiCha: [holding the door handle] There's not? Are you sure?
Yzma: All right, I've had enough of this. Tell us where the talking llama

is and we'll burn your house to the ground.
Kronk: Er, don't you mean or?
Yzma: [even more angrily] Grr, tell us where the talking llama is *or* we'll burn your house to the ground.
Chaca: Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction.

Yzma: Are you talking to that squirrel?
Kronk: I was a junior chipmunk, uh, and I had to be versed in all the woodland creatures.
[to squirrel]
Kronk: Please continue.
[squirrel talks to Kronk]
Yzma: [walking away] Why me? Why me? Why me? Why...?
Kronk: Hey, it doesn't

always have to be about you. This poor little guy's had it rough. Seems a talking llama gave him a hard time the other day.
[Yzma rushes over to them]
Yzma: Oh, a talking llama? Do tell.
[squirrel whispers to Kronk]
Kronk: Uh, he doesn't really wanna talk to you.
Yzma: Well, then *you* ask him.

Kronk: [sigh] Hate being in the middle.
Kronk: [speaking squirrel] Squeaky, uh, squeak, squeaker, squeakin'.

[last lines]
Kronk: My acorn is missing.
Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeak, squeakin', squeak, squeakity.
Kronk: Did you eat the acorn?
Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeaker, squeak, squeak, squeakin'?
Kronk: You owe me a new acorn.
Junior Chipmunk Class: Squeak squeak squeak, squeak, squeaker...
[one boy

nudges Yzma]
Yzma Kitty: [sulky] Squeakin'.
Kronk: I'm so proud of you guys.

Kuzco: So, you lied to me.
Pacha: I did?
Kuzco: Yeah. You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing.
[takes Kuzcotopia]
Kuzco: So, I'll be building my summer home on a more *magical* hill. Thank you.

Pacha: Heh. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?
Kuzco: No, no, I'm sharp. I'm on it.
[puts the model of Pacha's house back on the hilltop]
Kuzco: Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal.
[Kuzco and Pacha sit in silence]
Pacha: You know, I'm pretty

sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. In case you're interested.

ChiCha: So, remind me again how you're related to Pacha?
Yzma: Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's wife's step-niece's great aunt. Twice removed.
ChiCha: Uh-huh.
Yzma: Isn't that right, Kronk?
[Kronk is playing jump rope with Chaca and Tipo]
Chaca: Ninety-nine monkeys jumping

on the bed.
Kronk: One fell off and bumped his head.

[Yzma is sleeping in a huge tent, while Kronk is in a tent so small it only covers his waist. Suddenly Kronk jerks awake]
Kronk: The peasant, at the diner!
[pause]
Kronk: He didn't pay his check.
[falls back asleep, but then jerks back up]
Kronk: It's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into

the crowd with Kuzco in the back of his cart. He must have taken him back to his village, so if we find the village, we find him, and if we find him, we find Kuzco. Oh, yeah, it's all comin' together. Yzma!
[runs into her tent]
Yzma: What?
[Yzma sits up with cold cream on her face and cucumbers on her eyes]
Kronk: [recoiling] Aah!

Yzma: This had better be good!

Tipo: [waking from a dream] Dad, look out!
ChiCha: Tipo, what is it?
Tipo: I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!
ChiCha: It's all right, it's all right.
Tipo: It was awful!
ChiCha: It's okay, Tipo,

calm down, it was just a dream. Your dad's fine. He just went back to see the emperor.
Tipo: Oh, you mean like you told him to, 'cause you're always right.
ChiCha: That's right.
Chaca: Well, in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama.
Tipo: Yeah, like that would ever happen.
Chaca: It

could!
ChiCha: Nuh-uh!
Chaca: Yeah-hah!
Tipo: Nuh-uh!
Chaca: Yeah-haaaaah!
[they keep exchanging "nuh-uh's" and "yeah-hah's" at lightning speed]
ChiCha: Good night, you two.
Tipo, Chaca: Night, Mom!
[resume bickering as

ChiCha blows out the candle]

[First lines]
Kuzco: [Narrating] Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. Well, actually, my story. That's right... I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco...

Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I'll tell you what. You go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.
[cut to Kuzco as an infant]
Kuzco: All right, now see. That's a little too far back. Ooh! Look at me! That's me as a baby.
[breaks doll and

begins to cry, immediately, all nearby servants offer him replacement dolls]
Kuzco: Ahem! All right, let's move ahead.

Yzma: Kuzco is dead, right? Tell me Kuzco's dead. I need to hear these words.
Kronk: [nervously] Uh, do you need to hear all those words exactly?
Yzma: [angry] He's still *alive*?
Kronk: Well, he's not as dead as we would have hoped.
Yzma: Kronk!
Kronk: Just

thought I'd give you a heads-up in case Kuzco ever came back.
Yzma: He can't come back!
Kronk: Yeah, that would be kinda awkward, especially after that lovely eulogy.
Yzma: You think? You and I are going out to find him. If he talks, we're through. Now let's move!

Kuzco: Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama!
Pacha: What? No, I did not.
Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!
Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
Kuzco: I

have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.
Pacha: What?
Kuzco: You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.